Diary of a Depressed 15 year old

The beginning

Hi, how are you? My name is Emma and I am currently 14 as of 11/21/18. I am writing this just in case something were to happen to me. I currently am a freshman. It's stressful, lots of things are stressful. The more and more as each day passes I'm starting to think I need a therapist. I don't know if I have depression but maybe I do. I know I do have anxiety and I should start taking something but my mom says is this a teenager thing. A lot of kids have it at my school have anxiety so she's not wrong. I like to write but I don't want to be a writer. I want to be a forensic scientist. I suppose ill ramble off a some more useless information... My favorite color is blue, my favorite animals are cats, Snow leopard, And horses. My best friends are currently Olivia, Adrian, Alex, Jacob from South Carolina, last but not least David. He could be his own story, I dated him for about three weeks August 11 to the 20th and he knows a lot about me. I love a lot of people, everyone in my faimly especially, and my best friends of course. I would like for all of you too know I love you. Mom, dad, Sisters, even though I don't really remember you, I still love you Anne and you all mean the world to me. The main purpose I am writing this is because I've been thinking about suicide lately. I don't plan on doing it, I know I matter but if something ridiculous where to happen I want you know you weren't the cause. Please don't blame yourself. I am the one thinking irrationally I am the one being selfish I deserve the worst I am terrible, I am no good, I am exhausted, I'm a lot of things. But you shouldn't blame yourself because of the choices I made. I was only happy when I didn't think about everything. I didn't always have to worry about my grades, and being good 24/7. I didn't always have to worry about the judgment of others. When I didn't think so much and absorb myself into things was when I was happy.