Love in Reality

A Confrontation

INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – BACKSTAGE – DAY

Nelson enters the studio quietly, and comes up to stand behind Robert. Robert is watching what’s going on onstage.

NELSON

(whispering)

Hey Robert, how’s he doing?

Robert turns to look at Nelson and then makes a throat slitting gesture with his hand. Nelson cringes.

INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – ONSTAGE

David is onstage. He looks like a complete and utter mess. He’s unshaven. His button-up shirt is buttoned incorrectly, and half of it hangs out of his pants. His normally meticulous hair is unkempt.

DAVID VERDIN

I’ll bet you’re tired of washing your car with your hands. Scrub scrub scrub. What’s the point? It gets dirty again a week later.

He pulls a SPRINKLE-WASH from under the counter.

DAVID VERDIN (CONT’D)

What you need to do is to buy one of these ridiculous contraptions. In order to wash your car, you spend probably about half an hour trying to get it onto your sprinkler head.

David brings a SPRINKLER HEAD up onto the table.

DAVID VERDIN (CONT'D)

But we don't have half an hour.

(to Robert, offstage)

Do we have half an hour, Robert? No, didn't think so. But none of that really matters, because once you get this thing on...it just ain't coming off! It’s as if you asked this thing to marry you ten years ago, it said yes, then lied and ran away. Except it never really ran away. It’s still stuck on your sprinkler head, like some horrible disease, so even if you want to start watering your lawn again, you can’t!

David stops, composes himself. 

DAVID VERDIN (CONT’D)

So what I really should be selling this as is a lawn ornament. Futuristic garden gnome.

David turns to the SPRINKLE-WASH, addressing it as if it were alive.

DAVID VERDIN (CONT’D)

What do you think of that idea, Mr. Sprinkle-Wash?

(acting as a ventriloquist)

I think you're an idiot, Mr. Verdin.

(as himself)

And there you have it.

The audience APPLAUDS hesitantly.

EXT. LOS ANGELES – OUTSIDE THE STUDIO – DAY

Nelson waits for David. As soon as David exits the studio, Nelson approaches him. He puts his fist out to fist-bump, but David doesn't even try. David just starts walking down the street. Nelson starts walking with him.

NELSON

I watched some of your pitch, but couldn't stomach it after a while. You're a wreck, David.

DAVID VERDIN

I wonder why that is. Maybe because someone I thought was my friend stabbed me in the back in order to “make great television”. Thanks Nelson. Appreciate it.