I hate to admit it, but I haven't been as hard as I once was. I don't even do shit, so there's no reason for me to worry about the fuzz.
But if I'm needed, I guess I have to still be there for my crew. I'd just rather not do the shit they do anymore.
They still be knocking on my door, asking me if I'm down to kill one more whore who won't pay for her coke anymore.
Fuck man, I'll do it, but I'm no longer the man I used to be. I'm not that man who ran around on a killing spree, accidentally killing everyone at the scene intentionally.
But still, if I try to murder you and I don't, then consider yourself lucky, or maybe something just came above me.
Because sometimes I get this feeling that I don't want to go through with it. I guess it must be remorse or some shit.
Usually, I'm the type of guy who don't think twice, but lately I haven't been as cold, I've been nice.
Was it ever since I've looked into my baby's eyes, reminding me about how I was once was a nice guy until I got into this shit?
I guess I never knew even a little bit of something good could be bad for you. If I could go back, is there something different I would do?
Going around playing games with my gang, knowing nothing about each other, not even our real names.
What good friends, huh? We keep on losing each other one by one because we have no will to set down our own guns.
But I guess it is something we like to do, isn't it? Not playing by the rules, beating the shit out of fools who don't listen to us.
So is this what I wanted? Is this how I pictured it? How fucking ridiculous! But I wanted to be dangerous.
Now when I look into her eyes, I see a reflection of me, but not what I want to be, so keep her away from me. For her own safety.
I can't even be a father to my only daughter, so why fucking bother with anything?
Even if the rest of my life could get away from me, I'm not the right guy to be the father figure for my little Stephanie.
I hate to admit it, but I haven't been as hard as I once was. I actually give a shit for my daughter and for what she does.
YOU ARE READING
Pile the Dead
Poetry"Pile the Dead" is a collection of dark poems. Each poem is either about mental illness, murder, suicide, drug use, etc. Consider yourself warned. Please, let me know what you think. I would love to hear any constructive criticism. ********** Good R...
