Paperwings

I'm sitting in a hospital bed while my girlfriend's at prom with my best friend. Although that's not the best part I actually forced them to go and now I'm lying in bed with barely enough strength to lift my head.

I'm probably getting ahead of my self though my names Ralph and I have Leukemia. I didn't really want to keep a journal but this shrink who sees all the cancer kids Dr. Lebowitz says its important to know who we are so that when we get out of here we know what we want to do. Personally I think it's just shit to just distract us from the fact were dying.

Only reason I'm doing this is because when your trapped in a clean room while liquid poison flows through our veins there isn't much else to do so I'm lying while a microphone in the lab top picks up what I'm saying and words appear on the screen. I'm not really sure to start I could tell you about my first occurrence about I went through about how I got better and stronger only for the cancer to reoccur by the way this is my third reoccurrence but that's something any cancer kid could tell you I'd rather talk about Ellie.

I've known Ellie since I was a kid back when I was healthy. I know all the doctors tell me not to think about the things that I can't do because I'll be able to them again but I do the only thing that doesn't change is Ellie she's always there for me. We became friends in elementary school after my dad ran out on us and one day during recess I went and hid from the other kids and started crying Ellie found me and gave me a hug and asked what was wrong. I told how my dad had left and she smiled and told me it would be alright that I could share her dad.

After that we were always best friends during my first occurrence when I was fourteen I didn't think I was going to live. I went I was spending days in the clean room waiting for a bone marrow donor and everyday Ellie would come in and try to cheer me up but I felt like I was sliding down a bottomless pit. One day when the doctors thought I was sleeping they told my mother if they didn't find a donor soon then it didn't look good. Later when Ellie came I told her I was going to die I thought she was going to burst out crying but she managed to hold it together and punch me in the arm. She told me I wasn't going to die because she loved me and wouldn't let me die. She kissed me on the forehead through her mask and then left.

The next day they managed to find a donor Ellie said it was a miracle that's when she started going to church. After I got better she made me go to I've never been big on god but it makes Ellie happy so I go.

I hear the door open its Mitch my friend I made Ellie go to prom with because I couldn't. I can tell something's wrong before he starts to talk there's a jagged cut above his eye and his suits messed up. He's wearing a sling on his arm and as he talks he starts to cry "Dude I don't know what happened we were leaving prom and Ellie wanted to come see you before she went home so I was driving here and this truck came barreling out of know where and.." He starts to choke on his words and I try to sit up fast but fail so I just ask exasperatedly "Where's Ellie." He can't meet my eyes "I don't.. can't I was supposed to take care of her for you I can't.. I failed." It's too much for my system and I pass out.

I wake up I don't know how much later but my mom's there and so Mitch passed out in a chair. I remember Ellie and I start to get worked up again but my mom sees me and quickly gets me to breathe "Calm down Ellie or you'll pass out again." I managed to calm down and ask again "What happened where is Ellie?" My mom looks at me and there's a tear in her eye. "Last night after prom Mitch was driving Ellie and they were hit by a drunk driver, it was a passenger side collision and Ellie took a lot of damage. She was in emergency surgery for eleven hours last night but they managed to pull her through unfortunately she's in a coma." I don't know what to do I feel like I'm going to pass out again.

I look at my mom "I want to see her." Another tear rolls down my mothers face "Ralph you can't, you know you can't leave the clean room. I don't care about the damn clean room I don't care if it kills me I need to see Ellie I need to be with her so I know she'll be okay.