Abhor

Chapter 14

"Emma you have to eat something" I sighed. I sat on the side of her hospital bed, holding a spoon full of apple sauce. She turned her head away from me to look out the window. "Please? Emma one bite" I pleaded. She let out a long sigh. I put the spoon back in the bowl, putting it back on the tray that sat in front of her. It had been three days since the school shooting. I had already been released from the hospital and Emma was to be released tomorrow. I was doing much better, but Emma was not. She hasn't been the same since Isabelle died. She was barely eating and wasn't talking to anyone. Her wounds are also taking longer to heal than intended. I reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. "Can I tell you something? I've been meaning to tell you for a while.." I started. She turned to face me, leaning her head back on the pillow. A blank expression lay over her face and it broke my heart. I feared that this was it. Emma had been through so much and she had been so strong but she was finally broken. Too far to be fixed.

"Yeah" she whispered. I felt a flutter of hope at the bottom of my stomach. I had finally gotten her to talk to  me. I nodded taking in a deep breathe as I collected my thoughts. Now was as good a time as ever.

"When I first got to the hospital, I um had a dream or what you would call a vision" I rambled. Her eye brows scrunched together as if to express she was confused but the rest of her face still displayed disregard. "Your mom was there" I whispered. Her posture immediately straightened. Her eyes widened and her mouth a gape. 

"M-my mom?" her chin quivered. I nodded looking down at my hands. I fiddled with a loose strand of my black sweater. "And?" she whispered. I looked up and I felt my eyes become watery as I recalled the memory.

"Um well I woke up and she was there and I talked to her. And she said she had seen Isabelle and she was okay" I paused to look up at Emma. She had a stray tear running down her cheek, her attention focused solely on me. "She also said that she loves you and she is always there for you. She never left" I whispered. I left out the part about the instructions she left for me. Emma didn't need to know that. Emma didn't move. She kept starring at me as if there was more to say. "Thats all" I whispered feeling bad I didn't have more to say.  Emma swallowed as she lifted her hand to wipe away the tears. The bruises on her face and arms were much duller. She let out a shaky breathe.

"Thanks". She nodded at me giving me a small smile. She reached out and lifted the spoon of apple sauce, bringing it to her mouth. She swallowed with a grimace. She put the spoon back down, nodding to me. A hint of a smile on her lips. I felt that same flutter of hope. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.

"Hi Mom" I answered. As I listened to my mom blubber on about how she was at the hospital and ready to take me to physical therapy, I watched Emma. I watched as the dark expression fell over her face again. It dulled her previously bright eyes, and made her previously glowing skin, a sickly pale. She wiped away another tear as she leaned back into the pillow. She turned her face away from me and stared at the window. She watched the streams of rain run down the glass. The small bit of hope I had felt was gone again. She wasn't okay. She was so far from okay.

"Dylan?" I heard my mother bark through the phone. I snapped back into reality. "I'm here. We need to go or else we'll be late. See you soon" she said before hanging up. My mom has been a lot more of well a mother. She checks in with me about every hour. She drives me everywhere. She has barely taken her sight off me and to be honest its kind of scary. I slipped the phone back into my pocket as I stood up. 

"Emma I have to go. I'll see you at school tomorrow? Our big welcome back day?" I asked. She didn't move. It was if she was frozen. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow. Take care" I mumbled scuffing my feet on the ground. She turned to look at me. Her eyes glassy, her face emotionless. She looked at me for a few seconds before turning back to stare out the window. I would give anything to help her get better. But she wasn't getting better. I suddenly felt a wave of sadness rush over me. I stumbled out of the room into the hallway. I ran to the nearest bathroom. As soon as the door shut I slid to the ground, breaking into tears. Everything was hopeless. Isabelle was gone, Emma was gone, and I haven't even seen John since everything happened. I can only imagine what terrible shape he's in. Everything was falling apart. And I can't fix it.

+

I took a deep breathe as I stood outside my school. I had no idea what was going to happen once I was inside. I exhaled as I pushed through the front doors. It was as if time slowed down. Everyone who had been milling in the hallway stopped and stared at me. I felt my palms become sweaty. I searched for a familiar face but I couldn't find any. Would they all hate me for my Dad? I looked up and saw a poster that hung from the ceiling. Isabelle's smiling face looked down at me. 

R.I.P Isabelle Martin. Friend, Girlfriend, Student. Forever in our hearts. 

I felt tears fill my eyes. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard clapping. Cheering erupted through the halls and the school. One by one everyone began cheering for me. I was swarmed with people hugging me and high fiving me. Some asking about my leg, other telling me I was a hero. But I wasn't. Emma was. I didn't deserve this. I needed to see her. I had a sudden twinge of loneliness even in the mist of all the cheering people congratulating me. I was relieved when the bell rung and the hallway began to empty. I slowly made my way to art class. I slumped down in my seat as I waited for class to began. Then the late bell ring. Still no Emma. She wasn't here. I stood up and grabbed my bag. The teacher nodded as I left the room. Apparently I had a lot of freedom since I had "been through so much". I pushed my way out of the school and made my way to the car.

+

After a quiet 20 minute ride I finally reached the hospital. I wanted to run but the boot I was wearing prevented it. "Hi I'm here to visit Emma" I told the women at the front desk. I didn't bother specifying which Emma because I'm pretty sure everyone in the hospital knew us. A sad look came across her face.

"Sorry sweetie. She already checked out" the women said giving me a sympathetic look. I ran my hand through my hand.

"Sorry. She just wasn't at school so I didn't know" I sighed frustrated and confused. The women still wore a look of pity. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing" she replied quickly, looking down. When my stare remained on her she continued. "Sorry I guess you didn't hear the full diagnosis. If you had it would make sense why she's not in school."

"What was it?" I asked, needing answers. She sighed, shaking her head.

"I'm really not supposed to-"

"Please? She saved my life and I really care about her. Please?" I begged. The woman sighed before typing something into her computer. 

"Along with the injuries she sustained she also is suffering P.T.S.D and depression" the nurse whispered. I gulped, feeling a wave of panic wash over me. My limbs went numb as my body shut down.

"N-no she was f-ine I-" I began to stutter. The nurse got up from the desk and lead me to a chair that was in the lobby. She sat me down. 

"The night after you left, the second one, she had terrible nightmares. She would scream and trash around. The nursing staff actually had to inject her with a sedative to get her to calm down" the nurse explained. She looked down as she noticed how much my hands were shaking. I couldn't think straight. "Why don't I show you to an empty room where you can lie down" she said as she grabbed my hand helping me up. I almost fell over. The nurse held my arm as she guided me to a near by room. I laid down on the bed. "Hey its going to be okay" she said before she left. But it wasn't. Nothing was okay. I needed to see Emma. I needed to make her better. I needed to take care of her. But the darkness covered me as I drifted into a not so peaceful sleep.