Frozen Hearts

Chapter 6

[Flashback]

It was now or never. She looked at herself in the ladies room mirror, with her arms braced on the counter and her face flushed from the dancing. The way they moved together, so easily, so in sync, only reassured what she already knew. They were meant for eachother. Meant to be together. She knew what she felt and after the past few days - from their undeniable chemistry during regionals to his invitation to prom and the way his hand felt so perfectly at home on her waist - she was almost certain that he felt it too. She was gonna do it. She was gonna take a stand and tell him how she felt. Yeah. Why does the guy always have to be the one to have the first word? We live in the 21st century, she could do it. #feminism.
She blinked a few times then with a final, confident nod at her touched up reflection  she made her way out of the restroom and towards the gymnasium. Her steps slowed when she saw Barry waiting for her at the doors. He looked nervous...more than usual...but then again he'd been on edge all night and Iris hoped it had something to do with him feeling for her what she felt for him.

"Hey, you OK?" she asked once she was close enough that he could hear her.

"Um, yeah. Yeah. Just...walk with me," he said and placed his hand on her back leading her outside. They sat down on the bleechers, the sounds of the dance were distant and mingled with the nights cry and the moon was full, providing all the light they needed.

"Barry I,"
"Listen Iris,"

They both chuckled at their simultaneous conversation starters and Barry offered to let Iris go first but she insisted he take the chance. He took a good look at her, committing her sweet expression to memory. He knew her, he knew that after he opened his mouth and told her he was leaving she'd hate him and those sweet doe eyes that she seemed to save just for him would be locked away forever.

"I...don't know how to say this," he started shakily.
She placed her hand on his back and rubbed it in slow circles so as to soothe his nerves, consequently making him feel like even more of a dick.

"It's OK Bare, it's just me. It's Iris. You can tell me anything," she reassured him in a low, kind voice. Her own nerves were neatly tucked away as she focused on helping her best friend.

"It's just, I don't want to hurt you," he said, his eyes frightened and regretful.

*He knows,* she thinks to herself as her heart rate picks up. *He knows and he doesn't feel the same way.* The tears started forming just beneath the surface but she blinked them away and tried to force those negative thoughts out of her mind.

"I won't hate you. I could never hate you Barry," she said while trying to keep her voice steady.

"You promise?" he asked, not willing to take any chances. Iris wasn't one to break a promise so maybe if he could get her to swear she wouldn't hate him their friendship stood a chance. It was childish, yes but he was desperate and it made sense.

"What?" she asked, surprised by his request.

"Do you promise not to hate me?" he asked again.

"Barry, come on..."

"Iris please," he pleaded and she found herself slipping away from nervousness and into worry.

"I promise," she affirmed. "Barry what's going on? You're scaring me,"

*Here goes nothing*

"I'm leaving," he announced, ripping the band aid off at once.

"I don't understand, leaving where?" Iris asked, genuinely confused.

"I'm leaving Central City," he explained. Taken aback by the news, Iris removed her hand from her resting place on his back and looked out into the empty field.
"My dad got a better offer at a hospital in Keystone and they're sending him to London for a year for some sort of special training course." he added.

"When, when are you leaving?" she asked, her gaze not drifting from the dew wet grass.

"Tomorrow morning,"
That got her attention and Iris turned to him with a conflicted expression.

"Does that mean that..."

"I can't be your partner at nationals? Yeah," he answered.

Iris took in a sharp, cold breath and covered her mouth with both her hands. She leaned forward, her elbows digging into her thighs, and opened her eyes wide so that the night breeze could dry her tearing eyes.

"Iris, I'm so sorry. I..."

"Don't go," she whispered.

"What?" he asked, surprised by her request.

"Don't go. Stay here, with us, with me," she said turning around to face him and taking his hands in hers.

"Iris, where would I stay?" he asked, trying to bring her back down to reality.

"You could stay with us. My parents wouldn't mind, they love you," she said with a teary smile.

"Iris," he breathed out. He knew it would be hard but he never thought that it would feel like it did. Like he was being slowly cut in half by a blunt chainsaw. Iris got the message in his sigh loud and clear. He didn't want to stay, she wasn't going to convince him otherwise. The thought struck her like hot iron on flesh, searing a wound in her heart that she wasn't sure was ever going to heal. She wasn't important enough to make him stay. She didn't mean as much to him. She let go of his hand and stared at her feet, this time she let her tears flow.

"Forget I said anything, I get it, you have to go," she said.

"Iris..."

"Its fine Barry I get it," she sobbed and stood up to leave but he held her hand.

"Please don't go yet, I can't leave things between us like this I just can't," he begged.

"Barry, please, don't make this any harder than it already is. You have to go and I have to let you go..."

"What do you mean let me go?" he said, his voice sounding a tad bit hopeful.

"Nothing, just please let go of my hand," she sobbed still not daring to look him in the eye. Barry stood up and turned her around then placed one hand on each of her cheeks and turned her face up so that their eyes met. With his thumbs he wiped away her tears and gave her a pained smile. He hated himself for hurting her. He didn't want to leave, but something about the way he felt, scared him. It was too sudden and foreign and powerful an emotion. He didn't understand it and that was the source of his fear. However, it wasn't just a fear of the unknown. It was also a fear of rejection. Fear that she didn't feel the same way. Fear that if he stayed he'd either be doomed to be the best friend, watching her be happy with other guys while he lurked in the shadows. Seeing her cry over someone else when he knew he could make her happy.

Or he could tell her...and risk her saying that she didn't want him. Risk losing the bond they already had, risk losing her for good. It was too great a risk. Loosing her was too high a price to pay. Yet somehow, in that moment as he looked down at her hurt eyes that reflected the stars, with the knowledge of those being their final hours together weighing heavy on his heart, he felt like he had nothing to lose. He felt an undeniable pull towards her and he gave in. No second guesses, no time to overthink, their lips touched and that was the beginning of the end.

He expected her to pull away but instead she surprised him by giving in. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, knocking the air out of him. She felt herself slip away, felt herself give in to her emotions with a total sence of security that he felt the same way. But a voice in her head kept telling her to stop, to pull away. He was leaving, she couldn't afford to let herself fall for him or she'd never get back up, she'd never recover. When they came up for air she felt the tears sting as she looked into his eyes, still a glow with a passionate fervor. She knew what she had to do, as much as it hurt she had to do it. For the both of them. So that they could both move on with their lives. With her heart shattering at her every word she opened her mouth and said,

"Goodbye Barry."

Then she turned around, not noticing the way in which the light bled out of his stare, and walked away without a second glance back. That night, sleep paid neither of them a visit and when morning came, with her eyes red and swollen from crying and exhaustion, Iris watched from her window, as the Allen's car drove away, taking Barry out of her life forever.