The Darkness Within

Dreams

Every bone, every muscle in Draco's body hurt, screamed in agony. It had nothing to do with Harry, he told himself, It had nothing to do with Harry, he told himself over and over again. Draco had thrown the Cruciatus Curse on Harry, Harry the very boy he had come to love. 

"Draco are you alright?" Blaise asked when he saw Draco on the common room couch, hugging his knees to his chest. 

"I just-" Draco didn't know how to conjure up an excuse, he hated himself even more, because apparently, all the wires of his brain were falling apart too. "I am worried about my N.E.W.Ts," he said finally. Blaise nodded in response and sighed deeply.

Draco was agitated by the fact that Blaise didn't believe him, but didn't press on the matter further and avoided the other boy's gaze. "Did you bring what I had asked you to?" Draco asked him not looking up from the crackling flames of the fireplace.

"Yeah, here," Blaise said extending a couple of green bottles to Draco. Firewhiskey.

Draco hurriedly took it, so that no one in the Slytherin common room would notice that Draco had managed to sneak firewhiskey into the school.  He did not once look back at Blaise as he walked briskly to his dormitory, and ignored his request to be careful with drinking.

It was Hogsmeade weekend and Harry was strictly prohibited from leaving Hogwarts, so he was trapped inside alone. He was lying in the cold Quidditch pitch alone watching the clouds and feeling the shrill, frozen grass under his fingers. He wanted nothing more than to just hide inside a broom closet and scream, shout break everything he could reach, this is something guilt does to you, Harry thought. He wished he had Ron and Hermione here with him so that he could tell them everything, but they were enjoying their weekend without him, they were on a date. He could not help but feel angry that they had both left him alone, this was the reason Harry was sceptical about having his two best friends date, now he often felt like he was third-wheeling whenever he was with them. 

 The hollow pit inside Harry was growing deeper and deeper, the anger and self-loathing that were burning his insides ever since Sirius died only seemed to amplify due to his recent encounter with Draco. Harry closed his eyes and felt the chill of the winter take over him, he felt the frozen and wet grass underneath him, Harry knew he ought to go inside but the empty castle reminded him awfully of all the times Sirius had shown up in the fireplace or sent him letters, there was no looking forward to empty common rooms, because Sirius would no longer show up, he was gone, and Harry was all alone again, ripped off all the comfort. 

Harry saw someone enter the Quidditch pitch out of the corner of his eyes, but he couldn't care less because he was on the verge of falling asleep. Hoping that his dreams would not haunt him any more than reality.

"Dreaming about me, Potter?" Harry heard an extremely unexpected voice in his head, Harry was for once pleased with his dream.

"Yeah" He replied drearily, someone chuckled, he felt someone drop down beside him.

"Your honesty is commendeble," Draco said in a groggy voice "It is one of the reasons people like you so much"

Harry felt fingers close around his hand, and warmth spread across his body. Harry intertwined his fingers with Draco's hand.

"What about you? Do you like me?" Harry asked him.

Draco fell silent for a moment and said, "Hmm, well I think I have made that pretty clear, Potty"

Harry smiled. "It's good you don't hate me in my dream at least" Harry admitted, his eyes still closed.

"I tried," Draco said.

"You tried what?" Sleepy Harry asked.

"Hating you, quite impossible if you ask me, the more I tried, the more I fell for you, fucking saint Potter," Draco said, more to himself than to Harry, he was now tracing lazy circles across Harry's palm.

"I like this dream," Harry said at last.

"You're not dreaming, dumbass" Draco said

"I am not?" Harry asked "Prove it then"

"Open your eyes, Harry" Draco said

"I can't do that, if I open my eyes, you will go away, I don't want you to go away," Harry said.

"I won't go away, Harry" Draco promised.

"Prove it," Harry repeated.

Defeated, Draco propped himself up on his elbow and pressed his lips to Harry's, whose eyes flew open as he realized that he was not, in fact, dreaming, that Draco was really here beside him, on the cold grass leaning over him, kissing him. Harry closed his eyes and kissed him back.

When they finally pulled away, which was probably after minutes, Harry and Draco were both breathless.

"Draco, I am sorry for last time I-" Draco put a finger to Harry's lips "Shh" he muttered " I don't want anyone to hear us"

Some feet away from Draco, lay an almost empty bottle of firewhiskey, and Harry felt his heart deflate, Draco would hate himself when he found out that we spent time with Harry.

"Draco? are you drunk?" Harry asked him.

"No!" Draco said indignantly. Harry glared at him.

"Okay, maybe a little, but I am drunk enough to not know what is coming out of my mouth, but not enough to forget what I am saying or doing"

"Yeah, whatever you say" Harry muttered, he was saddened by the fact that whatever Draco had said to him was because he was drunk and not because he actually wanted Harry.

"Haarryyyy," Draco said, keeping his head on Harry's shoulder "Don't be sad, I promise I know what I am doing, I always do, I have never been surer of myself than I am with you," He said and placed a kiss on Harry's jaw.

"Now!" Draco jolted up "I have some more for me, and a lot more for you, so it will be like a little picnic," Draco said, pulling up bottles from under his robes and struggling to balance them on the frozen and hardened grass.