how far love can go?

---Chapter 1---

****************************************************************************************

Saan nga ba ako magsisimula? Well. Uumpisahan ko nalang siguro sa simula. Kesa naman umpisahan ko sa huli di ba. So here it goes.

Bratinella, mean, palaaway, bully at kung ano-ano pang negative things ang tanging masasabi lahat ng taong nakapaligid sa akin at nakakakilala sa pangalan na Celandine Aschibaque. Well, being the middle child means that I often go the lesser attention and love of my parents.

Well may magsasabi siguro na, 'No, all parents love their children equally and etc etc.' Yeah yeah I get it. I never said that they don't love me but what I mean is that due to me being in the middle makes me feel less valued and appreciated kasi akala nila na okay na ang naibibigay nilang love and support.

Like pupunta nga sila sa mga events na sinasalihan ko pero di naman nila ako pinapanood. Busy pa rin sila sa mg trabaho nila dito at doon. They arrived at any and every activities that I have been part of ( quiz bees, singing bee, beauty pageant, ballet musicals, recitals, figure skating competition, you name it) pero wala pa rin.

Naandyan nga sila physically but I don't feel their emotinal and mental presence.

Mas prefer ko pa nga na di nalang sila pumunta kaysa pumunta nga pero di naman nila totally inappreciate at pinanood lahat ng ginugol ko na effort para lang maging proud sila sa akin na para lang masabi nila, "You've did great anak. You've did great."

Pero never kasi mas importante ang trabaho't career nila kaysa sa amin well sa akin lang pala. Never naman kasing naging ganito sila mommy at daddy kina ate, kuya at sa mga younger siblings ko.

Whenever I looked at their baby pictures, albums ng mga activities na sinalihan nila. Its hugely different from I had and have.

Masaya ang mga emosyon sa mata nila ate at kuya pati nila mommy at daddy na nakaya pang makapagpapicture sa mga events na iyon.

May mga kuhang video pa nga na sobrang saya nila at sobrang proud nila sa lahat ng naachieved nila ate nung mga bata pa sila maging ngayon na matanda at nasa college na sila at graduating na.

While yung mga younger siblings naman namin ay naandyan naman sila tito at tita atsaka sina lolo at lola tuwing may event sila at minsan nakakahabol din naman sila mommy at daddy pero atleast kahit humabol lang sila doon, I could still feel that they truly are there for them unlike me.

Minsan nga napapaisip na ako na mahal ba talaga nila ako? O baka ampon lang ako? Pero I look the same as them. Physical features  from head to toe.

Like the color of the hair which is chocolate brown, fair complexion of the skin, oval shaped face, pointed nose, and more.

Well, all except for the color of the eyes.

My dad and mostly of my siblings except for me, My mom and Kastier has blue eyes while we had bluish to green eyes.

I mean our orbs looks bluish from afar but when you closely looked at it, has some green like features in it. Oh yeah, I remember it also turned grayish whenever we get mad at or something. I dunno if its possible or what. I just don't know.

"Oi, Celly? Okay ka lang? Bat parang tulala ka na naman jan? Excited ka na ba sa papalapit na pasukan kasi ako sobra." Pagpukaw pansin ng kanina ko pa palang katabi na si Xaemo. The only person who makes me feel valued, special and important compared to my family.

I know. I know I sounded like a bitch, attention seeker, a brat and whatever you would like to call me but you couldn't blame me. All my life, I have yearn for a family that would love, cares and feels proud of whatever I've achieved in life. But no one else did thay except him. I only have experienced that way back 11 years ago, when I am still five years old. But right after that accident that happened to me, it never felt the same ever again. I felt like I've lost the family I ever had. It even feel worst when...