What is Love? [BxB]

iii

Authors Note; there is content in this chapter, not suitable for you youngsters reading this story, so shield your eyes, or don’t, I don’t really care but don’t say I didn’t warn you! Hope you enjoy, kisses!  

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                  iii – love making

“I’m really sorry, Jace. Please, just forgive me,” I plea for my best friend’s forgiveness but receiving nothing, Nothing but the cold shoulder from him since this morning because of the incident in the bathroom. I thought nothing could hurt more than having Sammy mad at me but I had been wrong, completely and utterly wrong because sitting here now, with Jace casually eating his lunch, I have never felt so hurt before. 

I know this had been partly my doing, okay my entire doing, but instead of being mad at me for this he can be helping me through it. Although, I can’t blame him for treating me this way, I deserve it. I’m not only hurting myself but Jace too, and I know that, but I also don’t know what to do to fix this. Promising to never cut myself again? I have already tried that, several times, but he’s still not speaking to me. 

“Just, please, tell what I have to do to make things alright?” I ask him, and his face slowly turns to me, his lips set in a thin line, staring at me intently for a minute before speaking. 

“Break up with Samuel because I know you didn’t do that to yourself, and the only way I’ll know you’re safe is if you stay as far away from him as possible,” he says, a small frown set on his face and from the look in his eyes, I know he’s being serious with me. 

Break up with Samuel? I wish things could be that simple but their not, because deep down, even if is possible, I know there is no way I can bring myself to end things with him. Sammy is the love of my life, we’ve been together for nearly two years, and to end things like this will be devastating for me. I love him, and he loves me, even through his abuse. I can see it in his eyes; he cares for me more than anyone I have ever met. 

But it’s not just that, I’m afraid. Afraid if I leave him I’ll never find someone who looks at me the same way he does again. What if I’m never destined to love and Sammy is my one and only shot at it? I’m not so willing to give that up, to give him up. 

“I can’t do that,” I mumble to Jace and his eyes narrow into small slits. 

“Why? Because he won’t let you?”

“No,” I say, my voice firm and affirmative. “Because I love him.” 

Jace’s eyes soften from their previous glare, and I feel as though I have the upper hand with him, until he begins to talk again. “This isn’t love, Cole. It’s abuse, and if he really loves you, then he’d take the time to realize what he’s doing to you isn’t right, he’s not right.” With that he grabs his lunch tray, only half the food on it eaten, and he walks away from me without another word. Leaving me by myself, something I hate being, by myself. 

I’m not all that flustered by Jace’s words, mainly because he has said them enough times for me to memorize his exact words. But I can’t find it in me to agree, Sammy does love me. Jace doesn’t know a single thing about us, he doesn’t understand. Samuel and I are anything but a simple relationship, I’ll give him that, but in my view, we are the strongest among all. We have lasted this long, and I can’t break things off because of a few simple words from my best friend, or a few cuts and bruises. 

Physical abuse is better than emotional, and I’ll take Sammy’s abuse over the heartache of being single for the rest of my life. 

Suddenly, the bell is blaring, indicating it is almost time for forth period, which I have with neither Jace nor Samuel. This is the only class I have with none of the two, and right now, I’m kind of grateful because I don’t feel like talking to either of them— though Jace hasn’t been doing much of that with me today anyways.