~The "Misfits"~

End of Junior Year ~Cherry~

After everything I have done for them.

I've been here for them through all their hardships.

I thought I could trust them but instead, they throw me out like trash. Like I meant nothing. It was almost like i didn't exist anymore. Even after all I did for them. The secrets I've kept. The lies i told. The people i let go. I did it all so i could stay with them. Yet this time, I was the one left behind.

It's the last day of Junior year, everyone is sitting and laughing with their friends. And I'm all alone. Yet, I think this is why I waited so long to tell them. I think deep down i knew what they would say, but i trusted them

I didn't believe they could be so cold. I couldnt beleive it. I just wanted to believe it was all a lie. I had hoped reactions would be better, but instead, they all just. Walked away. They walked away like i was some sort of monster. They didn't say anything, nothing mean, nothing nice. Yet i kinda wish they had said something. At least then i would have known they truly had an opinion, but now ill never know how the felt about it. How they truly felt about it, I wish they had said all the things they were keeping in their head.

But they said nothing and left me, standing there. On the brink of tears.
I wanted to run out of the school and find a nice quiet tree to cry under but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't move. My world had crumbled around me. The people I had trusted the most, the people I had know since well, forever.
I spent the rest of the day going through the activities the school had set up, alone. We had all set up our choices so it would be more likly to have the same activities together, and guess what. We did. I had to spend the rest of the day by myself hearing wispers all around me, watching them all goof off and have fun. The hardest thing was proborly hearing them all laughing. Without me.

After that day I had thought i was going to be free, I thought i was going to spend my summer not being afraid about what they had said. Not being afraid to be myself. I had no friends to tell me to change who i was, to make me feel unwanted, making me feel trapped in a web of lies.
I thought i was free.
But i was alone.
And before i knew it, i was gone.

I kept telling myself that telling thwm would make me feel better. Make me feel more open about who I am. Make me feel free to do what i want, talk to who i want. Help me feel like its okay to be me.
But it only made me feel worse. I felt as though I was a disappointment. A failure. A mistake. Everyday became more of a chore than a privliage. i felt as though nothing was the same, that nothing would ever be the way it used to be.

I had become a different person. I didn't feel like myself, I didn't feel as though i deserved all i had. All i was given. My wardrobe change too.
I would only wear hoodies. They made me feel safe and like i was in a bubble. I felt that if i ever left them i would be hurt again. I wasnt even the same with my family. I wouldn't talk to anyone at family gatherings. Everyone could tell something was off, but i couldnt tell them i didnt want to be hurt again.

I was usually a bubbly and out going person. I just, wasn't myself.
After a while of debating I had decided to see a therapist. There was only 3 weeks until school started up again and I wanted to be somewhat myself. I wanted to make new friends, and I wanted them to see the real me.

The therapy had help a lot. I had started to talk again and people were starting to wonder if that was a good or bad thing.
I had eventually gotten around to sorting out my closet. It was full of hoodies and almost nothing else. Normally I would have cute blouses and cardigans hanging in there, but I guess I had thrown them all out.

So I decided to go shopping to fill my closest back up with the clothes I enjoy wearing. And trust me, when i got back i realized i was going to miss having a somewhat empty closet. Cause there was a lot more now.
After around 4 hours of shopping I went home to fix up my wardrobe. I mean I still kept a lot of the hoodies. They had become apart of me and I couldn't bear the thought of parting with them all.

And after all of this theres now only 2 days until the new year starts, and I'm exited.
I'm exited to make new friends and to be open about myself and being able to express myself in a way I couldn't do before.

The hope I had experienced that day still fills me with determination.

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I hope that, if anyone even ever reads this, that you enjoyed the first chapter of The "Misfits" But let me know what you thought and if there is even any reason to continue this.
Baiiii :3