Give Me Back My Heart

Chapter 5 : I'm sorry

It was one of those nights where everything seems darker than usual and me, start to regret every single moment in my life. It already been four days since the day I died. Adam tried to reach me out non-stop. Making me suffered every time. I miss him. Every side of him. His laugh, his smile, his hair, his scent, his voice, his face, his lips. Make me wonder how on earth I want to avoid him after this. I’m not going to school for a week so it is fine now but what about after this week? What about later. Living without his presence already killed my inside and now I have to live my life while seeing him, stand beside him and pretend he never exist.

One question. How?

            I was sitting by the window trying to collect the memory back at the hosp. I agreed to accept any treatment after mom forced me to. Though she knew I would rather die. I signed a few documents as if I signed the letter of my death. Adam called me but I don’t dare to answer it. So he texted me asking my situation about the incident back at the gym. I disappoint him with stay silent. I’ve disappoint someone with no words, no facial expression, not even a single sound and yet he still called me non-stop from dawn to the midnight. Even longer than that. He came to my house every day waiting in front of the door, making noise, stupid noise. Knocked my door and I got to called police to make him go away. Stupid boy.

            It was 3 in the morning when I got a text. I reached out my phone on my table and I read a name. Adam.

“hey girl.. I miss you”. My eyes start to water and I can feel my hands start to shivered. I can’t stand the urge to texted him back to tell him how much I miss him all these days. How much I want to meet him. To hug him.

*buzz* *buzz* another text. Adam.

“Girl. I love you so much. And I know you love me too. Why did we have to go this way?” I can feel my tears start to fall down. I’ve made my mind. I will text him back.

*buzz* *buzz* Adam.

“Please Mary. Just let me know why? I promised you I will change if you tell me why.”

It’s not you moron. It’s me. I’m the black hole in our relationship. I’m sorry.

 “Go away Adam. I’m not interested in you anymore. I’ve never love you. I just want to play but you scared me out since you want to be serious. Go and don’t even think to get back with me. You are such a moron and you make me suffocate with your stupidity! Don’t even try to go near with me after this!” sent.

I started to sob. I can feel my eyes swollen. I want to sleep. I just want to sleep. I can’t feel any vibration from my phone anymore. My eyes started to close. So I slept that night with mixed feelings. I don’t think I care anymore.

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It was the last day of my holidays. Not really holidays but it hurt to say the truth so I preferred holidays. I was so anxious, I don’t know if I can do well. It felt like the first day of school after all but in a painful way. I’m gonna met Adam again and I don’t know how’s he doing now and I’m sure I’m doing bad. I just hope that I don’t have to face too much problem today. When I entered my school, I can felt all eyes on me. There were mad, crazy killing intense inside everyone. I’m scared but then I saw Chloe’s crazy dog face so I looked at her with a question mark on my face. She ran toward me and yelled at me.

“hey, moron. What have you done to Adam?? I’ve never seen someone look so full of despair as much as Adam. You killed him Mary!”

With a frown in my face I lifted my head to see her damn mad face. Maybe I should tell her maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I’ve got to stay away from her and ignore her like I did to Adam but I don’t think I can afford another lost. I will tell her how much I love him and how much I’ve hurt because of what ever happen and I will tell her about my sickness and everything but my respond surprised me.