Brand New Lover

I'm Not Giving It Up

Rozz

All I feel able to do is curl up in a ball and hide. I wish that was all it took to get away from everything.
Fletch and Alan keep talking, trying to make me go with them to the hospital but I really can't go back there again, I just can't. I can just about breathe but I don't tell them that, I stay silent and close my eyes so I don't have to see them. Unfortunately there's no way to block out their talking.
I know I'm about to drift away and be lost in my dream world for a few hours, when you put it like that it sounds almost idyllic. In some ways it is, I can transport myself on to a whole other plain of existence but the price my body pays for it is terrible.
I can feel Alan's hand gently moving my long matted hair out of my face but I'm sinking deeper into my dream world. Try as I might I can't react or respond to him. I'm gone.

Alan

Rozz is out cold, I do what I've done so many times before on nights like this and move him so he's in the recovery position. There's not much else we can do until he wakes. As much as we'd want to take him back to the hospital where he should be, we can't make that decision for him every time.
"You go Andy I'll be fine here alone." I say quietly, not taking my eyes of Rozz's small figure sleeping silently on the bed. "Sure?" Fletch asks looking particularly agitated, he's always had a fondness for Rozz and Martin so no wonder he looks so worked up. "Go on Andy, we'll be fine I promise." I smile and Andy nods, he doesn't look very convinced but he ought not to be worried, I've got the situation well in hand. 
Once Andy has gone I can take the opportunity to clear Rozz's room of any drugs. It's a pretty unpleasant job but someone has to do it, I don't trust Martin; he's known to have saved stuff for Rozz in the past in case he becomes desperate or sick with withdrawal.
I wish I knew why anyone would choose to live this way, Rozz has always been depressed and had problems but we could never have predicted it would get to this point. He always insists he's a functional addict, but there's a stark difference between functional and being physically dependent on something. There's not much he can hide from us anymore. We may not have known each other long; Rozz and I, neither have we ever been close, but we have a mutual understanding. I believe he's determined to throw his life away because he doesn't know what to do with it and he feels worthless. If only he could see what we do, the potential that he has. He's a talented writer and he's mentioned in the past things he wants to do in the future, sometimes he's optimistic, others he's bleak and arrogant about himself and others.
I sit myself down and feel a torrent of tiredness hitting me instantly. Weeks of no sleep catching up with me and I can't fight the pull of a deep dreamless sleep.