#72 in nymph
#5 in convicted
E X C E R P T
"Petrov speaking" the thick Russian accent filtrated the dense air
"Yea ah Boss, its Kelv," I answered back nonchalantly
"Tell me did the boy listen to me" he rasped
"Mhm He showed up, he even hugged the...
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C U R R E N T T I M E
I K N E W I W A S S T U C K in an endless unformattable pain when I found myself waking up every morning and realizing that I was dead, buried and forgotten by those who are or should I say were dear and close to my heart but life has the audacity to allow me to be 'alive and kicking' to strangers, who didn't give a damn about me. I just fucking knew deep in my gut that I will forever be in pain when I wake in the morning, with a jolt, to an emotionless face of someone who tells me 'move out the way' and reminds me, I was and still am nothing more than scum,
'You really start to know pain when you go to sleep with it every night and just see yourself being lowered into your own grave but when you scream to those mourning and burying you, your screams become whimpers that no one cares to hear.'
Abandoned, and not being heard was the fear that pestered me at sunrise, mid-afternoon, and late at night, so what I'm trying to get at is that it's always fucking bothering me, But from today on that will all change, not quickly it will take time to make adjustments to my new free life, I would basically be renewing acquaintances between 'self and me', I realized peace could only be found once I had found myself, once I knew who I was or at least as much as a twelve-year-old could know about herself, but now this will be an endeavor that I shall find and thrive successfully.
I stepped out of the courtroom, I couldn't help the cockiness that flowed through my veins, after all, I made it out this shit hole, it's officially the last time I would ever have to step into that place as an 'inmate', I stood tall my hands-free from rattling chains I was drained completely, void of who I was about five years ago, the happy, optimistic, and carefree child, but that was a barrier my innocent mind had built so I wouldn't break but now I was broken and over bared with this need to push forward and search for what I have missed out on.
I figured out quickly after being incarcerated for the first few weeks that I couldn't continue living as if tomorrow wouldn't guarantee a problem because look where that led me. Now it was just me and the world ahead, it drained me mentally and physically even after five years of having to deal with it, thinking back to all the baggage I will carry until my grave from actually 'committing murder' to watching gang's, fight each other to the death. My eyes had seen it all, completely scarred baren of anything innocent.
There wasn't any nostalgia nor sweet fantasy, I didn't even have remembrance of a good memory from my childhood anything before the day I murdered Aaron Mathews became a blur and lost in the abyss of my emotions, I was reborn into a darker and much more psychotic version of myself, I spent the last four and a half years stuck in this labyrinth, thinking about how ill escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining this 'future' it just kept me going, even if it was just a false hope all it encased was an escape from the present to create this perfect-and-dandy future. Its unfortunate, like everything in life the dreaming was my resort to happiness even though when I was forced to awake. The darkness that I had seen before, it comes and robs me of my best senses and replaces it with a paralyzing fear. in this darkness I sit, muscles cramped and unable to move, just another empty cadaver void of human emotion.
