Butterfly

26. The Decision

Jimin stirs slightly, and my eyes open to the light of the room. Jimin's face is still buried in my neck, and his breathing is slow, steady, peaceful. I stay as still as possible, not wanting to wake him, but his eyes flutter open not long after mine, as if he can hear that I'm awake in my breathing.

Jimin doesn't move, his breathing slightly more unsteady now that he's awake, and I run my fingers over his back gently, reassuringly. We lie there for a long time, in the early morning light, just holding each other until he pulls away, sitting up, and his hair is messy, his face puffy, and I hate how perfect he is when he wakes up.

"You should probably go," he says it softly into the emptyness of the apartment, and I shake my head, looking up at him. He lies down on his side, propping himself up on one elbow, looking down at me softly, one hand coming up to gently trace my features.

"Sandra will worry."

I shake my head, my voice still half asleep. "You need me."

The corner of his lips pulls up, almost against his will, and he lets out a soft breath, his eyes on mine.

"I need to look for another apartment."

It takes me a minute to realize what he's saying, and I look away, nodding slightly, sitting up. He does as well, and I get out of bed, slipping on my shoes. Jimin moves to sit on the edge of the bed, and when I turn back toward him he takes my hand, gently pulling me to stand between his knees, looking up at me.

"You should come with me."

"What?"

Jimin's eyes are searching, and he squeezes my hand gently. "Wherever they think my mother will do better. Move in with me, Y/n."

I'm silent, staring at him, and he continues slowly, the words hanging in the air between us.

"We're ready. I know we are. And then..." His hand lifts to gently touch my cheek, his thumb on my cheekbone, and I lean into his touch. "I won't be leaving you," he says softly, his eyes searching mine.

I let out a breath, unsure what to say, and the corner of his mouth slants downward as it always does when he's trying not to show how upset he is.

"Jimin..." I look down, my throat tight. "I have to finish school. I'm not eighteen, I can't transfer without Sandra."

He nods, letting out a slow breath, and I gently touch his face, tilting it so he's looking at me.

"I want to. I really, really do."

"I know."

We're silent for a minute, and I finally let out a breath, pulling away from him, meeting his eyes.

"We're not breaking up, Jimin." My voice is soft, and he nods slightly. "We'll make it work. I know we will."

Jimin nods again, swallowing, and I lean down slightly, pressing the softest of kisses to his lips, and he clings to me, the kiss salty from last night's tears, or maybe fresh ones, but I let him hold me until he pulls away.

"I love you." His voice breaks slightly and I press my hand to his, my throat tight, not trusting myself to speak.

I leave him sitting on the edge of the bed, slipping out of his apartment, and I unlock my door, my breathing shaky.

"Where were you?"

I turn and Sandra's face is drawn. "Y/n, I get it, I really do, but at least text or -" She catches the look on my face and her eyes widen slightly. "What happened?"

"His mother." I let out a shaky breath, the full significance of what happened yesterday hitting me, and my hands are shaky. "She - she had a heart attack yesterday, and it was really bad, and now - " I can't speak, forcing the words out. "They're leaving."

"What?" Sandra's eyes are huge, and I take in a shaky breath before I burst into tears. She takes my hand, leading me into the living room, and I sit on the couch, my breathing shaky as I fight the tears. Sandra's silent, gently rubbing my back, and it's a while before I'm calm enough to speak normally.

"They said they don't think she'll survive another full year," I say shakily, wiping at my eyes, my breath short. "And they should move somewhere she's more comfortable so when she - when she - "

Sandra's eyes widen in understanding.

"He - he wants me to go with him," I hiccup, miserable, my eyes filling with tears again. "M-move in together and - " My throat is too tight to continue and I close my eyes, the words too painful. Sandra's hand slows and she's quiet for a minute.

"He wants you to move in together?"

I nod, a fresh flood of tears threatening.

"What did you tell him?"

I inhale shakily, wiping my eyes. "That - that I have to finish this year of school."

"What about after that?"

I stare at her, wondering what she's saying, my breathing unsteady. "What do you mean?"

"It's your senior year, Y/n, and you turn eighteen in two months."

I nod slowly and Sandra shrugs slightly, her eyes on mine. "I agree with you about finishing school, but after that..."

My breath catches in my throat as I stare at her, not sure if she's saying what I think she is. "You mean - "

"You love him," she says simply, and I stare at her. "If he means that much, Y/n..." She shrugs, her eyes on mine. "Whatever you decide to do, I'm not going to fault you for loving him."

I swallow, realizing what she's saying, and I stare off into space, my thoughts spinning furiously. I stand, almost as if in a trance, and Sandra watches as I walk toward my room, in a daze.

"I - I have to think."