Timeless

41

1994-January/February-Stevie

(1/24) Day 14: I woke up today and my hair started turning grey. I'm not old enough for that. I'm only forty-four. My nurse Bella, says it' normal and if once I'm done I dye it, no one will know the difference

(1/27) Day 17: Lindsey came to visit today for our anniversary, he laughed at my actively greying hair. We had a small cake to celebrate twenty years of tormented marriage. I cried having missed my daughter's eighteenth birthday. Lindsey said she didn't want a party anyway.

(2/1) Day 22: I'm molting. I have so much dead skin on my hands and face no amount of moisturizer in the world is helping me. My muscles have been cramping since the detox started but the cramping in my stomach is reminiscent of my miscarriage. A painful reminder of what could have been. Part of me wants to scream at the doctors to give me some Demerol but I know that they won't.

(2/2) Day 23: It was my period, I haven't had it in years. My period has always been irregular and untrackable but I was sure I had hit menopause. Bella tells me it's also a side effect of taking Klonopin. The drug messes with hormones.

(2/14) Day 35: I'm almost done. Today's Valentines Day. Lindsey came with roses, chocolate, and a giant teddy bear. I'm starting to think that this detox, though hell on my body has been good for my marriage.

(2/22) Day 43: My hair is back to blonde, my skin is better and my sister-in-law, Lori came to visit. She's having a baby at forty-one. I'm out a backup singer but I'm gaining a niece or nephew. I've shed a lot of weight being here not being able to keep a lot of food down during my treatment. As I stand in front of my mirror I imagine myself with a baby bump. I want another child. I missed so much of all my children growing up. I'm longing for another baby so I can do it right this time.

(2/24) Day 45: My babies and my husband came and got me, and It was like an eight-year fog had been lifted.