We Could Have Been

Chapter Twenty

I declined Stan. I freaking declined him.

Well, that meant victory, right?

But. But what was happening to me?

I held my breath for a minute as I half-running at the corridor. My head held high. Trying to outpass this disgusting emotion occuring inside me. Pakiramdam ko ay may mali sa akin. At 'yun, 'yung hindi ko alam.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko alam kung ano ba 'tong nararamdaman ko. I was all into glory knowing how I ended up rejecting Stan and putting him to what was right to happen. But that didn't stop me from thinking that I did bad. And it didn't feel so good inside.

At bakit ba pakiramdam ko ay mali iyong pag-iwan ko sa kaniya?

No. Settling myself with this kind of thoughts would just burn me. I didn't wanna burn. Not with Stan.

I kept up my pace. Sinilip ko ang kalangitan. The sun was almost setting down. Kagat-labi akong nagpatuloy sa paglalakad hanggang sa makarating ako sa labas. I saw him already on the football area but he then decided to just see me in his car.

Hindi nagtagal at nakita ko din ang sasakyan ni Benedict. It was a different car. It wasn't a rover he used to drive. Pero nagamit niya na ito nang pumunta ito sa amin kaya't naalala ko ang itsura ng sasakyan niya.

Sa sobrang pag-iisip ko ay namalayan ko nalang ang pagdating ko doon sa sasakyan ni Ben. He fainted me a smile and immediately grabbed me. That uprised my emotion in a sudden.

''Ben...'' I murmured in a rasp voice. I heard him groan. Nakayakap pa din ito sa akin at hindi gumagalaw. I could sense that there was something wrong with him. I heaved a deep breath. ''May problema ulit sa company?''

Hindi siya kaagad sumagot. Pero naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng yakap nito. I think I was right. Hindi pa din natatapos 'yung problema niya. If only I could help him even in just a little possible way, then I would. Kaso nga lang... hindi ko alam kung paano.

It took him a minute before he moved his head inch distance away from me. Doon ko na nasilayan ang mukha nito. He looked really tired. He had eyebags on. And he looked like he hadn't slept for a week.

Hinawakan ko ang mukha nito. A full-blast of concern was exagerrating my thoughts. ''Have you been awake for days now? You look really, really tired, Ben. I told you to keep healthy. Hindi naman ibig sabihin na madami kang problema ay kakalimutan mo na ang sarili mo.''

I couldn't help but say that. Hindi ko lang talaga maatim na makita siyang ganito. I knew that it was difficult. But I wouldn't dare to see him like this.

Inilagay niya ang kamay niya sa mukha ko at inalis ang pagkasimangot na nababalot doon. He moved my lips to form a big smile. Noong mapagtanto ko iyon ay hinampas ko ng mahina ang kamay nito.

I heard him exquisitely laugh. ''Having you concern makes me wanna drop everything away.''

Pakiramdam ko ay nabuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig at hindi makagalaw dahil sa sinabi niya. Rose suddenly flushed my face and I went embarassed like somebody just complimented me.

I smirked. ''Then you drop everything away.''

Nawala ang ngiti niya. Ibinababa niya 'yung kamay niya sa mukha ko. ''If I could, I would.''

''I'm serious, Ben. You could lead to that decision. I know that it would sound selfish. Pero dapat ba sagot mo ang buong kompanya?'' I told him. More like, I was reprimanding him like a baby.

Pero dahil iyon sa hindi nakakatuwang sitwasyon niya. Seeing like this, it was breaking my heart! I knew that he had no choice. But that was bullshit when it was like this.