A/N: I added two quite suitable Queen songs to accompany this chapter. I advise you to listen to the lyrics.
Was I shocked to hear those words from Roger? Oh absolutely. Never in my life would I have thought I was capable of making him fall in love with me. It just seemed... impossible. Also, you must remember that I thought very low of myself - a gift my mother had given me. After all, she had told me many, many times how ugly I was, useless, no good for nothing. So, I was confused, knowing I made the most handsome man on the planet fall in love with me. Not that I complained, of course. It felt like heaven! But what did it mean, really? Wpuld it change anything, now there were feelings involved? Were they just words, or was there a deeper meaning behind it? I didn't know and it caused me a lot of sleepless nights. But all I can say is, that what we had at the time, was the real thing.
Was our relationship, or whatever you could call it, perfect then? Oh, far from it! First of all, I was still aware of the fact that I was merely a temporary distraction, something "on-the-side", or how should I call it? The word "mistress" always makes me laugh, but I guess you could say this was exactly what I was. Forbidden fruit, something you don't talk about. I used to feel sorry for women like that. To fall in love with a man who is already taken... how low can you go? But then again, I was feeling pretty low about myself, and it would take a long time before I started looking at myself differently. But for now, I was merely a mistress.
And that was extremely hard sometimes. I had started my year in university, studying hard, working hard, it all went according to plan, I enjoyed my education tremendously, and it felt good to actually achieve something. And then there was this second life I led - that of being with Roger, without actually being with him. I knew what I had got myself into, yet I was only human, so yes, jealousy and confusion was a daily part of my life.
After the release of their "Breakthru" video, Queen was again all over the news in the UK. It was their follow-up single after "I want it all", and the fans and press were loving it. The thing that made it especially interesting, according to the press (and some fans) was that Roger's girlfriend was featured in the video. Of course, he had every right to do so, but I couldn't help but feel jealous and insecure about it. She was stunning with her long legs and beautiful face. And again I couldn't understand why Roger would even look at me twice, knowing full well he had such a beautiful girl at home. It wasn't my place to ask, but I kept thinking about it nonetheless. I felt jealous that she was capable of going outside with him, in public. This was simply impossible for me and Roger, and I of course understood. Jealousy however, is a nasty emotion to feel.
Oh how wrong can you be?
Oh to fall in love was my very first mistake
How was I to know I was far too much in love to see?
Oh jealousy look at me now
Jealousy you got me somehow
You gave me no warning
Took me by surprise
Jealousy you led me on
You couldn't lose you couldn't fail
You had suspicion on my trail
How how how all my jealousy
I wasn't man enough to let you hurt my pride
Now I'm only left with my own jealousy
Oh how strong can you be
With matters of the heart?
Life is much too short
To while away with tears
If only you could see just what you do to me
Oh jealousy you tripped me up
Jealousy you brought me down
You bring me sorrow you cause me pain
Jealousy when will you let go?
Gotta hold of my possessive mind
Turned me into a jealous kind
How how how all my jealousy
I wasn't man enough to let you hurt my pride
Now I'm only left with my own jealousy
But now it matters not if I should live or die
'Cause I'm only left with my own jealousy
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Still, Roger came to visit me more and more often, and it wasn't always just about sex- we spent hours talking to each other, and sometimes we would end up falling asleep in front of the TV, laughing about it later because we looked like an old couple having nothing better to do than sit and watch every soap opera available. It wasn't just physical - I really got to know him better, and we talked about various subjects, or nothing in particular. It felt nice when Roger was with me, I felt safe and secure. He wasn't overly romantic, but he knew I loved fresh flowers, so most of the time he had bought me a lovely bouquet with all sorts of amazing, beautiful flowers in it. In a way, we were happy. Does that sound silly? Probably, right? I know what you are thinking: "Silly girl, thinking she actually has a chance with him, while he's only using her for sex". I don't blame you for a second, I would have thought the same. All I can say is that it felt so different when we were together. It felt like Roger, too, was making an effort. It wasn't a one-way street.
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I am the Drummer's girl.... Final and completed
FanfictionIt was 1989, my thoughts were short, my hair was long........ (Kid Rock) After years of mental abuse, I finally broke free from my parents and moved to London, to work and study there. I left with nothing more than a suitcase and a bag full of hope...
