First Kiss

35

Winter break. Perfect opportunity to make up with mom, right? But I don't do it right away. I need to come up with a game plan. I know, I'm paranoid. Dramatic, even. But this is so beyond what I was worried about before...things like homecoming dresses and grades. This is a family matter. Family is supposed to be everything.

I call Lex first. I haven't talked to her in a while, but I don't want to drift from her. I know she's on vacation, so that's sort of playing a part in why we haven't been talking. She picks up right away, so I'm guessing she misses me.

"What's up my dude!" she yells into my ear. "Yo, New York is crazy."

She begins to go off a million words a second, talking about how she's staying at her millionaire uncle's mansion and stuff, which is nice for her...but I haven't even greeted her yet.

"Lex, I--"

"Oh yeah, and their DOG. Ugh, he's so cute. Or she? I forgot."

"Lex--"

"And my little cousins! So adorable but also sort of annoying but you know, what can you do?"

"Alexandria!"

She finally stops.

"Sorry, what?"

I don't know if I should laugh at her or yell.

"My mom is back," I tell her instead. "I don't know why she is, nor if I'm okay with it, but I want to make up with her." Lex is quiet.

"That's...that's great," she says. "But can I ask why?"

I let out a little sigh while thinking about how to answer.

"I don't...I don't really know. But I'm sick of being so hateful towards her. It isn't good."

She's so quiet that I get a little worried.

"But she broke you in eighth grade, Brianna. I don't want you to get hurt like that ever again."

"But Cole said--"

"He didn't care back then, Bri! He didn't even know."

I know. She's right. And it's also something I haven't accounted for.

"I don't think it's going to happen again..."

"But you don't know that, Brianna. I truly wish that people won't hurt you twice, but that's just not...that's not how it is."

I stay quiet. There's something wrong. She sounds near tears. Has something happened?

"Alex, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she says quickly. "I'm just...worried. That's all. People can be jerks. Your mom isn't an acception."

I frown.

"I know. I'm really scared. A sick part of me doesn't want to just because she doesn't deserve it, but then it's like...I don't know."

"It's Cole, isn't it?"

"Huh?"

"I think it's good, in a way. He makes you want to be a better person. But remember, Brianna...he didn't see you when she left."

I go quiet. She's right. But if not now, when?