✔️Fragments | Original Poetry | COMPLETE

after the party

i shut the car door and didn't even bother to turn around as you drove away. i swear i had to check my purse at least ten times. phone, wallet, keys. i have everything but i feel like something's missing. there's an emptiness and i don't know where it is or how to fill it. 2:37 a.m. on a cool summer night but i don't feel cold. the air just feels hollow. you're far gone by now. i blink once, twice, three times. i'm laying in the grass of my front yard. the stars aren't out tonight. the sky is hollow. i blink once, twice, three times. i'm missing something, but not my keys. the door is shut behind me and i blindly walk up the stairs. dizzy isn't the word. nothing is quite right anymore. the bathroom fills with steam and i look into the mirror. i take off the tight little dress i only bought because you said it made me look like the girl you loved last summer. i take off the heels that force me to sway my hips when i walk. the eyeliner that makes me look older, the red lipstick that makes my lips look fuller. now i've known this girl for much longer than the other. i let hot water pour over me and i scrub my body until it's red and raw. because every time after the party i try to revive any part of the old me that i can, any sliver of hope that i haven't changed. but loving someone who loves a dead girl that looks like me but older and sexier? you made me grow up too fast

this is something i wrote last year after i dated a guy. i was 14 and he was 18, into drugs, and eventually pulled a gun on me when i caught him cheating. not a fun time in my life