The Thoughts of a Blue Boy

A Letter for my Big Brother

Dear Pop,

  Hey bro i know I lost contact with you for a long time and yes I've been a terrible little brother for doing that but I'm very antisocial but social at the same time. I know it's no excuse for not reaching out to you or anything and yes I'm very sorry for not doing that. I have nothing to do or say except I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you felt like you weren't anything to the world trust me I know the feeling and knowing that you are gone only makes it worse for me. I'm sorry I've been a terrible brother towards you leaving you alone and shit I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to help you. But taking the easy way out isn't the fucking way. I'm just upset and confused why would you would do this you had so much to live for just to take it away just like that. I have so much stuff I want to say to you. My light or what I had left is just gone it's just so dark now. Well I fucking hope you got what you wanted, I hope your fucking happy now because everyone is lost. My week has been shit now with you gone it just makes it even worse. I'm sorry I couldn't do anything I really am in really am sorry I couldn't help you. I know it's not my fault and I couldn't helped at all but I still feel connected to it in a way. I don't know if this was recent or if it happened months to years ago but I just been told this and I should've know sooner. I was coming down to Atlanta to see you and sis but my mother knew it would be better if she told me a week before I go down and start asking where you at just to be told ruining my whole trip. But I just kinda have to live with it right? You wouldn't want me to be all sad and moody because of it. You want me to accept it and move on with my life just like dad. My chest and head will hurt and want to stop itself  for a long time but you want me to learn from it and move on right? I'm pretty sure you would want that for me because even tho you think nobody wants you in this world I hope you still believe that me and rest of the family you had still loves you. So I hope you are in gods place behaving yourself  because we tend to be a bit wild. Also, tell dad and everyone else up there I said hi and sorry for being shameful to our family name but it can't be helped.

Sincerely,
Your reckless little brother