If Only

If only I knew to love you, I would lose me...that was the hardest thing I had to learn the hard way. A mistake I will forever have to live with. Lowering my self worth and standards for someone who just used me to pass the time. Just some girl that took all my love and passion for granted. I had to learn the hard way that love is blinding. I loved a girl that never deserved my love. She did me dirty in the end, and I lost myself in the long run. I lost what is most important to me...my family. I let a girl come in between me and my family, and that shall never happen again. This girl hurt me like never before, but she only made me stronger in the end. Look at me now? Happy. Strong. And living the best life I have ever lived. I don't need a toxic relationship. I don't need fake love. I don't need someone who is going to tell me they love me and then leave me. All I need is myself. And although I regret dating you, I appreciate the pain you put me through because I am now the strongest I have ever been. I am chasing my dreams and I hope you do too. Do I still reminisce old times? Here and there I do. But all I have with you are memories. And I hope that someday all those memories with you vanish. You told me I would find better. Thank you! Cuz I did. Ten of you won't be good enough for me. And I see that now. It's sad to think that pictures of you and me are now pictures of you and an ex, it's sad for sure. But you are old history now. I have moved on to better things. And I am finally on the right path. So cheers, to what we lost

If only I knew that someday I would be without you. Vavo, you were everything to me. I remember all those beautiful times we shared, moments that will never be forgotten. The pain from losing you has still not subsided. I miss you. We all do. I'm at a point in my life where I really regret a lot of things I've done, such as letting a girl hurt my family. You loved our family with everything in you. And when you passed, I swore to stay strong and make you proud. I feel like I have failed. But I have not quit. I'm sorry. I see now how important family and happiness is to me and I'm sorry for the pain I've put my family through. I know that some things were not my fault, but for the things that were, I am sorry. I want to grow up and be successful, but most importantly I want to get married and have a family. And you won't be there for any of that...that is the hardest part that I have to live with. Vavo, I love you. I am going to make you proud someday. I hope you heard the eulogy I wrote for you and read at the funeral. It was hard, and it's been hard. I know that you are okay up there in Heaven, I just wish I could see you again. Hear your laugh one more time. Watch one more Portugal game with you. Just one more memory....I love you Vavo.

If only I knew that the key to happiness and a successful life was to endure all the painful moments in life and grow from all your experiences. In life, it's easy to run away. It's hard to make the choice to stay firm and face life. But in life, you can either run or fight. I am a fighter. Girls come and go. People come and go. But you will always have yourself. You will always have your family. And you will always have your future. Everything I do is for my future. Like I said, I want to be successful. I want to be somebody and make a difference and help people in any way I can. I want to have money, enough to be comfortable and be able to go on trips and vacations. I want to find "the one" and have a life with her. I want to get married to the girl of my dreams and get a house and have a family. I want to be happy. And not struggle through life. I don't want to regret old decisions I have made. I want to be proud of the new ones I have made...my ex was a mess and now she's messing around and hopefully she's happy. Will she regret losing me? Yes, but only when she fails to replace me. But I don't care. I care about her, but I don't care about what she thinks about us because I can never be with her again. Nor do I want to. I don't need a girl that is going to leave me. Life is full of obstacles. And while a lot of people will run when things get rough, I will never stop fighting for the beautiful life that I will someday have. And for the life of my future wife and family. Everything I do is for them. And for someone else. And for a future me. We are going to change the world, who cares about an I.Q.

If only I knew that love is the only thing more valuable than anything else in the world. And not just the love that you have for others but more specifically, the love you have for yourself. I have always struggled with loving myself. When I dated my ex, she gave me the love that I failed to give myself. But I learned that I need to love myself before I can truly love someone else. Her love only lasted a season, but it helped me open my eyes to the real world and the life that I want. And I have learned how to love myself once again. And it feels great. Always love yourself before someone else. And always remember, love is more valuable than weed or drugs or sex. Love is timeless and intangible and magical. And yes, love with the wrong person can be blinding. But, when you find the right person, love is the greatest thing in the world. Always remember that.

If only I knew...