Not For Long

.25

Chaeyoung tried her best to hold it in when it hit her. The feeling that had come together with that one thought that started off with 'What if'. It had a constant pattern of to and fro her mind. She never would have thought that it would attack her when she finally let herself lost in that one room of emotion she had refused to get inside for a while.

Of all times, why would it invade her when she finally put her true feelings on the table for Jungkook to see and feel?

Chaeyoung tried her very best to hold the tears that threatened to escape her and she did well. They were locked so well that when Jungkook made love to her, there was not one tear succeed to sneak out.

It was after they made love, when Jungkook was catching his breath on top of her while holding his weight with his arms so that he wouldn't crush her, it was at that time when the stupid tears fell caused by that stupid feeling that was led on by that stupid thought. She forced herself to stop but she couldn't and the more force she put, the more pathetic her crying sound became.

Her sniffle was, of course, heard by Jungkook and he slowly lifted off his head and stared down at her.

"Chaeyoung?" he asked, voice a little hoarse as though he hadn't spoken for a long time when he was the one who'd been using his voice during their passionate session of intimacy to tell her of how much he loved her in the loveliest, softest way possible. "Did I hurt you, baby?" he asked worriedly, wiping her damped cheeks.

Chaeyoung couldn't utter even one word when he asked that. Because he didn't hurt her. Not him. Not at all him. Chaeyoung shook her head slowly, turning her head on the pillow to look away from him because the more time she spent on staring at him, the tighter her chest felt.

"Then why are you crying?" he gently asked, still trying to wipe away the tears.

I'm scared. She shook her head again, covering her face with one hand.

"What's the matter?" Jungkook brushed a few strands stuck on her wet cheek. "Tell me."

Her lips trembled and she knew it was one painful thing to hear but the words came out like fluid after she choked on her sob. "Please get off me."

He went still. Chaeyoung would have waited for him to move on his own but she hated herself when she pushed him, similar to how she pushed him away all this time albeit this was a softer push. She moved farther to the other side of the bed, went under the duvet and pulled it up to her chest and let the back of her head take the view of him on behind her.

Jungkook shifted slightly on the bed, probably getting into a more comfortable position or preparing himself to leave, which, despite everything she had on her mind, she wished for him not to leave. There was one long, deep sigh from him and in a low voice, he asked, "What did I do?"

Nothing, her mind answered quietly.

Silence again as she used the pillow to absorb the tears leaking.

"Did you... did you regret that?"

She closed her eyes tight. A big part of her did not and would never regret it. But existed inside of her, there was a little part that was making her regret it for what might come.

"I guess... maybe you shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry," he said, disappointment and sadness wrapping around his voice. She waited for a few while, perhaps he'd say more things but he didn't. Instead, her silence was met with his own.

His voice saying sorry was a constant repeat on her mind. And that pained her a lot, because the person who should be saying it was her, not him. Yet, she chose to mute herself.