Break My Fall

Chapter Four

(Rachel’s P.O.V.)

I could hear everyone outside laughing and drinking and having fun. I should be out there. Instead, I was here. In my bathroom pulling on my hair and trying to get a grip on my life. 

Relapse.

I thought I was over this. I thought I live the rest of my life without him.

My hands were clutching the sides of the sink so tight that my knuckles had turned white. I felt very weak and tired, all of my energy was drained, but I couldn’t sleep. It was happening all over again. I thought maybe it could be better if I got out of that town, but I didn’t think about the pressure.

I needed to be perfect. I needed to have that flat belly and skinny legs. People were watching me all the time. I was wearing more makeup than ever and the fake smile I had plastered onto my face was starting to hurt the muscles in my mouth.

I sighed and took out a washcloth and started to wipe the makeup off my face. It felt so good and liberating. "I should do this all the time," I breathed. Once all the makeup was gone, I reached into my beg and pulled out the photo of him. Then I stood up and smashed it on the ground, letting the glass fly onto the ground and letting the first tears fall.

"Damn," I muttered, starting to pick up the pieces.

“Rachel?”

I looked up and saw Kara standing in the doorway. She was watching me curiously, swaying slightly. I breathed a sigh of relief. She was drunk.

“Hi Kara,” I said, quickly putting the broken frame away.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing?” she asked. Oh crap, I’m not very good at lying.

“Just putting something away. About to go out to the fire.”

She had reached me at this point and she hugged me tightly, pulling me into her chest. She might have been wasted and may not remember this in the morning, but she cared. And she understood what I had been doing. And nobody had hugged me like this for a long time.

I hugged her back and buried my head in her neck. She ran her hands through my hair, comforting me. “Honey, what's the matter? Who's the boy in the picture?"

“Nobody important,” I said firmly. I pulled out of the hug. She had a sad look on her face, like she actually cared about what happened to me. I hadn’t felt like someone cared for three years.

“Go back to the fire. I’ll be down in a minute,” I told her. She nodded and walked out tipsily. I had the feeling she wouldn’t remember in the morning, but the fact that she cared in the moment was enough. Besides, I didn’t want anyone to know anyway.

I finished picking up the pieces and went outside and joined the others. I saw Louis standing with Kara. I felt my heart stop and wondered what she was saying to him. He started laughing and she walked away, so I figured I was in the clear. I walked over to him.

(Louis’s P.O.V.)

The morning before the second performance, we ran out of food. Harry and I were pretending to be ninjas and attacking whoever came into the kitchen, and not many people were humored by us.

“WHOCHA!” Harry shouted, whacking Tessa in the abs. She glared at him. “Hey babe.”

“You don’t remember last night, do you?” she asked through grit teeth. He had a puzzled look on his face.

“No. Why?”

“I got my underwear back,” she said shortly. Harry choked on his spit and she walked away from him. Harry stared at me looking horrified while I laughed my ass off.