Not In That Way

n o w

I wake to the blaring sound of my alarm. The sun has already filled the room with its soft yellow light that seems to be warmer than usual.

"Good morning, sweetie." My mom's high-pitched voice startles me. She stands by the door. She looks around my room and that's when I remember about cleaning up my room and her, visiting.

"I'm sorry my room is unclean." I tell her and sit up. She sits on my bed. Looking powerful in her businesswoman-like-dress and unfairly thriving in health and beauty. She looks genuinely happy as she smiles at me.

"Oh, I understand, you have been busy at school." She is right about that though, I have been busy thinking about the project which is to be made with Atlas.

She kisses my forehead and then looks around. She then starts picking up some clothes on the floor and that's when I stand up.

"Mom, seriously, I can do that." I tell her and she looks back at me.

"No, you go prepare for school. I'll just pick these up and put it in the wash, and I'll leave your room as it is, okay?" She says to me and goes back to picking up.

"Okay." I say and groggily walk to the bathroom.

"And shower fast, we will eat breakfast together!"She shouts and I decide to take a long shower.

I do not want forced interactions.

I know mom is going to be the only one talking. The one who wants to keep the conversation flowing. She will be lively asking me questions about school and she will tell dad that he has been good at taking care of me and also asks about how he has been. And dad will fake a smile and and answer stoically and will stand for he is finished eating. Then mom will turn her attention to me and then her face is painted with a smile I do not recognize. She will ask me about the guys I am into and I will answer, fake an answer. I tell her everything is okay and it sucks that she does not sense that everything is actually not okay. She will then drive me to school. And along the drive she will tell me what she has been doing.

And she has been really doing fun.

Out of the three of us, she is the only who has been genuinely happy.

We are still trapped, dad and I. The two of us.

Or maybe it's just me.

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"So, your uncle Ben is transferring to your school." Mom surprises me and I know what will happen. I look back at her and then her hands on the steering wheel, which none of the fingers has a ring on. And trying to know the reason why she did not share this to her ex-husband.

"So?" I look away, pretending to not know the obvious.

"That means we are moving here!" She says livelily and looks at me. "I get to be closer to you and you get to bond with Ben and your step-brother." She adds and I hate the idea. And technically we aren't step-brothers since Mom and Ben haven't gotten married yet.

I hate the idea of them, together. I hate the idea of them, living under the same roof. I imagine Trey will wake up with hot food on the table, cooked by mom, who, by time, learned to cook unpronounceable dishes. They will eat together like the happy family that they are.

"Oh, so does that mean Trey will transfer to Moordale High too?" I ask her out of curiosity.

"Of course." She says to me. I look back at her, and she looks so happy. Happier than those years spent with my father and I.

"Wow. That's really nice mom. I'm... uh...I'm happy for you." But I am not. 

"I know, right?... ugh... I miss this town." I miss our Sundays by the beach, eating ice cream, barefooted. I miss trying to cook for you. I miss giving you surprised gifts.

She did not say or maybe those were really never on her mind.

Those were mine to miss.

"And we are here." The stranger says to me and then she gives me a hug and kisses me on the cheeks. And then she tells me to have a great day and she leaves like she always does.

I find myself standing on the parking lot, watching as her car disappears.

I walk towards the school and luckily spotting Hayden by the entrance. He is talking to three students who look unfamiliar. Obviously not from our year.

"...it has to stop." The redhead girl says and that's when I arrive, standing beside Hayden. Hayden senses my presence and averts his gaze to me.

"Um... hi guys... so this is Summer... he is also a member of our organization." He says to them which has them looking at me.

"Hi." I say shyly. I am not used to attention at all.

"Hello." They say in unison. Which has me smiling and chuckling.

"My name's Ari." says the redheaded girl. I smile at her and she returns it back, showing her perfect white teeth.

"I'm Ricky." says the short guy whose voice so deep that one might think it came from hulk. My smile wavers.

"And I am June." says a gorgeous tall skinny guy. He smiles a welcoming smile but my smile stay wavering.

I look back at Hayden, whose eyes are focused onto the pretty redhead, who looks oddly like Cheryl from Riverdale. I pretend to cough which has Hayden looking back at me. I give a questioning look.

"We were just talking about Renmark being a bull and that he must be stopped." Hayden says to me and I agree.

"And I had recorded him sexually harassing Eleanor." says Ari as she gets something from her back pocket. A phone.

"His actions have gotten way much worser. And he can't just do that to my sister." says Ricky. His angry voice stops some people to look and walk slowly to eavesdrop.

Ari launches Photos and then plays a video. In the video, someone seems to be talking in the background, which voice I identify as hers. She is talking to somebody while filming the halls swarmed by students. The video then stops onto locker 64 which is probably hers as she gets something from inside it. And then the camera focuses onto Renmark, his back to the camera as he walks like he owns the world with his dumb of a friends minus Atlas because he is not in the video and minus Atlas because he is not dumb.

The people behind the camera goes silent as Renmark approaches big Eleanor, she is busy, looks like she is searching for something in her locker. Someone whistles from Renmark's group. Eleanor turns around, she is talking, of voice inaudible for she talks like an ant. And then she looks angry turns around the boys who obviously had said something that made her mad. And then Renmark slaps her buttocks, his hand staying for seconds before removing it. Eleanor turns around and slaps Renmark. She then runs away.

"I swear  Bryce Walker just came to life." says June and I agree. Renmark has Bryce's, from 13 Reasons Why, resemblance and it's creepy.

His statement earns a laugh from us. We laugh some more and I think June is looking at me so I turn towards him to find that he is. I look away.

"Babe!" I hear Marie's voice. I turn to where her voice is coming from and that's when she jumps at Atlas. They kiss. Marie has flowers in her hands. And Atlas looks like he is looking at the most beautiful thing in the world, her. Yes, she is. And he looks like he is so in love. But he is not. He should not be. Not too long ago, he was making out with a girl and probably came home with her, and probably had sex with her.

I look long enough to have Atlas looking at me. I look away.

And that's when I remember that I have to go approach him to talk about the project.