"Too young, too dumb to know things like love."
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The Earth's crust runs deep within the roots of my skin. I feel like a storm is about to destroy me but there's nothing left to destroy. They say the colour green represents calmness and nature. It can also help improve the speed of reading if the words are written onto a green background but that didn't help me read the note which was placed on the edge of my desk.
I graze the tip of my fingers on the piece of envelope wondering what could be inside of it. It's 2am in the morning but I'm still up.
Fuck it just open it...
I take the small white envelope and on the front of it I notice a familiar drawing of a smiley face at the corner of the edge with only one eye. I'm too nervous to open it, scared of the content it might contain this time. I've been starring at it for the past hour or so, feeling like a some crazy person. Some days I feel like I can take on the world some days I feel like crawling under my bed and just wrap my hands around myself.
My phone rings and I already know who it is. Only one person would call me during this time of the morning.
"Sterling." I say in a tired voice.
"Did you finish the job?" His crisp deep voice booms over the phone.
"Yes." I say staring at the envelope in front of me.
"And you're sure no one saw you?"
"Yes Sterling I'm sure. He was alone I made sure to check the house twice." I say getting annoyed by his many questions.
"Good. Zayn is gonna drop off your share he'll be there in the next three hours he's busy with a job."
"Okay." As I'm about to drop the call he interrupts me by saying something.
"Your father is holding a meeting tomorrow at midnight and wants the whole crew to be there. I'll send you the co-ordinates to the place and remember make sure no one is following you."
He drops the call before I can even say anything and I release a long breath of tiredness already dreading this meeting.
After that night in the helicopter, I got a call from Nikolas asking if I was safe. I told him everything was okay and I'm leaving the state. I'd asked if Luca made it out and he said no. That was the last time I ever spoke to him. Three years had past and I had spent a year in a mental institution because I'd been diagnosed with severe depression and PTSD which if not treated at a psychiatric hospital there were a high chance that I might have psychological issues in the near future. I would have nightmares and endless sleepless nights which eventually led up to my seizures. I started having seizures which according to the doctor was caused by the stress and strain I was undergoing due to my PTSD which put a strain onto my body. After arriving which was a month ago everything just felt so out of reach and blurry. After a year in that place I felt like a one year old baby who was learning to walk again. Everyone was so cautious and gentle when speaking to me, like I could break at any moment.
I was as tough as steel and nothing could hurt me anymore not even the things that used to. I was becoming too cold and could hardly express my feelings not because I didn't want to but because I couldn't. My body and mind was so used to the hate, the fighting and constant having to deal with hurt and emotions that I couldn't take it anymore, that I just go numb and feel dead inside. At least that's what my doctor said.
