trapped inside yourself

chapter 2: harsh awakening

 

Once i get up and get dressed i look at the clock and realize its only 3:00 am.

Might as well add insomnia to the list..

I think to myself jokingly.

   Once i brush my teeth i look over into my room. Straight in the doorway i see the bookshelf with the little cooler in it. I tell myself not to but i couldnt help it. My day was already shitty and it hasnt even started.

I walk to the bookshelf and open the cooler revealing my only well kept secret. I reach down and pull out a small container. I know its so wrong for me to do this before school, or even do it at all, but we all have our reasons. Opening the container i see my stash still lies there untouched.

I take out a half of a pill, looking at the pill then the clock i take out another half and smirked. If only they knew i thaught, if only they knew.

I grab my school id and begin to crush the pills, with the skill of an artist i catch the slightest chuncks and grind them into a thin powder. It seems like my inner self is only happy when im working my way up to a very aniticipated high that only lasts for hours; what has my life come to?

I sigh as i retrieve my straw like pipe from my cabinet and a razor blade from my bathroom.

I know exactly what I'm doing this morning. I create a nice thick line of the crushed up hydrocodone and snort half of it. My nostril burning and numb. I quickly  take a cap full of water and snort it to wash down the excess, i dont play around when it comes to this, every little particle counts.

Muffling my violent coughs and sneezes so i dont wake anyone up, then everything goes numb. Ah the relief of the pills taking affect.  knowing that if i dont eat i will begin to vomit,  i go and fix myself a bowl of my favorite cereal.  I honestly dont know what to do, i glance once more at the clock in the kitchen. Only 10 minutes had gone by since the last time i looked. But it only felt like 5 seconds, then again i was high and school started in 2 hours. So what did i know?

The high had almost gone down when the first real smile came upon my face. I run into my room and pick up my phone.

Within a couple of swift taps on the screen i have my calendar right infront of me.

The day october 13th was circled twice, today was the day. I have waited for this since last weekend.  My shipment was finally in. After school i will have to go pick it up.

  Knowing that today would be a very big day for me made me less nervous and anxious to go to a big school full of fake bitches.

I grab my back pack and a red bull to start my long walk to school. I absolutely was not going to let my ignorant grandfather ruin today, he can ruin any other day, just not today. I need to be at my best in order to recieve the best.