Giving Love Another Chance

Chapter 12

Please note that this chapter is now edited, so kindly excuse any remaining spelling/grammar errors that the editor didn’t catch. Happy reading J

Ryan’s words kept playing in my head over and over again, as I tossed and turned in my bed. His words hurt more than any kind of physical pain. It was almost four in the morning, but sleep was the last thing on my mind. I could not forget the furious look on his face when he stormed inside the elevator.

Why did it have to be Ryan Collins, of all people?

How could fate play such a cruel joke on me?

 

He hates me! My heart twisted painfully at that thought. Can I blame him for hating me? No, he has all the right reasons to hate me. I kissed him, for crying out loud! I played with his heart just to forget my pain. He was right, I was selfish. The only night I decided to let go of my pain and loosen up, that one wrong decision got me into this mess. I screwed up big time.

In my defense, I was drunk and wasted, but there was no point in playing the victim. All this while, I had tried to forget that night, pretending that it never happened. But now, I realized how mistaken I was.  He was in front of me all this time, and all I noticed was how arrogant he was. Not even once did I consider that he must have had a reason to hate me. The reality is that I played with someone’s heart, a broken man’s heart. I wish I could turn back  time and stop myself from attending that party. None of this would’ve happened then.

If all this had happened a week before, I wouldn’t have cared. Of course, I would be embarrassed to face him, but I wouldn’t be feeling the pain I am feeling now. I wouldn’t feel like I have lost another important person in my life, making my heart twinge with pain. I cringed at the thought of seeing him everyday at work when all he feels  towards me is hatred. To top it off, there were many nagging questions running through my head the moment he pulled back from the kiss.

‘Why did his lips feel so good against mine?’ Does that mean I like him? But that’s nonsense. How could I like a guy I have ‘known’ for just a week? For the last six months, I just knew my boss Ryan Collins. But these past few days, I started to know Ryan Collins as a person.  I shut my eyes tightly.

‘No, I don’t like him. I am just guilty for what I did, and that’s why I feel this way. I am not attracted to him,’ I thought stubbornly.

As I lay in my bed, with tears streaming down my cheeks and many questions clouding my thoughts, the memory of that fateful night bombarded me.

***

It was a New Year’s Eve party. The place was already packed when I entered the  ‘The Lean Rapier’ Club with my cousins Ron and Keegan. I was still grieving from the breakup with Aiden, and a club was the last place I wanted to be at that moment. Yet there I was, only because I was literally dragged out from the comfort of my bed by my noisy cousins.

 

It had been a week since I’d come to New York to visit my Aunt Caroline, my mother’s elder sister. My parents had sent me forcefully as they couldn’t see their daughter moping around day and night thinking about the boy who broke her heart. They thought spending time with my cousins would distract my mind from thoughts of Aiden, but despite their wishes, nothing had helped me lift my spirits.