|| BXB One-shot Book ||

|| Fuck My Liver. pt 3 ||

Riley curled in on himself, laying on his side as he sobbed again, crying with no tears. He tried to stop it, take deep breaths, but he ended up hyperventilating as his eyes closed tight. He grit his teeth, clutching at his chest as he decided to stop breathing all together.

His lungs burned from the lack of oxygen, and just went Riley felt he was about to pass out, his eyes opened as he gasped for air, breathing heavily. He felt his nose prickle, his throat tighten. Riley quickly slammed his palms over his eyes, screaming out, the sound guttural, tearing his throat.

His body shook after, and his muscles tightened, keeping him in the fetal position under the table. After a bit, Riley forced himself to relax his body, though he still trembled. Once again he lay on his back, though he longed to move back into his former position.

A single tear fell down his face. Riley felt anger bubble up inside him over it. Why was he being so pathetic over this? So emotional?

Riley felt his lip curl, exposing his teeth, and his brow furrow. He’d never been like this before; he’d been apathetic to everyone and everything. Then Yuuto gave him feelings. Why couldn’t he have taken them with him?

Even though Yuuto wasn’t his, Riley still fucking loved him.

Riley let out a scream in anger, his hand launching up to the blade tip above him. His hand made contact with it and the table, the thump resounding throughout his entire apartment. Riley held his hand there, feeling the pain shoot up his arm. The only sound now was his heavy breaths. Riley’s brow twitched as he stared at his hand, then suddenly, he began to repeatedly slam his hand against the knife. Again and again and again. Flecks of his blood touched his face, but he hardly noticed them, lost in the new found pain.

If drinking couldn’t distract him from his mental state, maybe new pain could.

Suddenly, there was a knock on his door, soft and hesitant. Riley was confused, moving out from under the table. He sat on the floor, looking in the direction of the door. Again, a knock came. Riley didn’t know who it was, so he decided to fuck everything and answer the door, standing and wiping he face.

He shuffled his way there, his anger fading away, being soon replaced with the dullness he’d grown accustomed to. Riley adjusted his sweater to hang off his right shoulder so the sleeve would hang down and cover his hand. With his left, he opened the door, his once dead expression lighting with a hint of surprise. His grey eyes moved upwards as he croaked out, “A-Andre?”

There he stood, their contrast almost comical. Andre was tall, with olive skin and a muscular build. He was healthy looking, and seemed to carry a warmness around him, an almost tangible aura around him. His blue eyes looked Riley over, concern quickly filling them. He then met Riley’s eyes and said, “I… heard some noise coming from your apartment, and I wanted to see if you were okay.” He cast a glance into Riley’s destroyed apartment, brow tilting.

“…Are you okay?” Andre asked softly, gazing into Riley’s eyes.

Riley stared into his eyes, the concern and worry like oceans in them. Riley teared up, then quickly took the few steps to Andre, embracing him tightly. There was no hesitation in the answering embrace, the air leaving his lungs. Unlike before, the lack of oxygen wasn’t voluntary, and even if he did end up passing out due to it, he didn’t care. He needed this hug more than he realized, and he never wanted it to end. Finally, Riley replied.