|| BXB One-shot Book ||

|| Fuck My Liver. pt 6 ||

Riley woke from his dream with a shuddering breath. Tears were threatening to fall from his eyes, and he quickly dabbed at them with his sweater sleeves. It took him a moment to process where he was, and when he did, he felt even worse for some reason.

Andre was completely knocked, sleeping peacefully cuddled into him. Riley watched his sleeping face as his eyes pooled again, feeling like he was doing something wrong to this boy, simply by allowing himself to be held close.

Then, just like the sunlight had stung his eyes when he opened them, it hit him.

“I love you, Riley Lait.”

Riley placed a hand over his mouth, then slowly shook his head.

No. No no no.

Andre loved him. He. Loved. Him.

He didn’t mean to do this. He can’t do this. He can’t have Andre loving him; he couldn’t love him back.

Riley, overcome with his feelings, successfully detangled himself from his friend without waking him. His mind then took him away from there, to a place where he would be able to find some kind of solace from his train wreck of a life.

The bar.

Riley didn’t care about the snowflakes falling softly down, didn’t care about his bare feet touching the concrete. He ignored the stares he got from the dew people on the street, gawking at his sparsely clothed frame. He didn’t care about his runny nose, or his warmth being swiftly swept away from him by the wind. He didn’t care about anything except forgetting it all. If he forgot all this, he’d be happy.

Right?

× × × × × ×

Tora looked up from cleaning a glass behind the bar when he heard the door open. His eyes widened when he saw Riley’s face, wanting to rush over to him and hold him.

His brow was furrowed as his lips trembled from either the cold or his crying (most likely both). His main colors now were either pink, pale or black. His eyes were swollen, and you could see the tear trails still fresh on his cheeks. He sniffled and hiccupped as he shuffled over to the bar, not making eye contact with the bartender.

Riley took a seat at the bar, sitting heavily on the stool. He folded his arms and put his head on them, staying silent as he tried to compose himself. Tora stared at him uncertainly, opening his mouth to speak after a moment only to be cut off be Riley speaking.

“Mix it.”

Tora’s brow furrowed at that, but Riley continued on to elaborate.

“Vodka, tequila, whisky, scotch. Everything. Mix it.”

Alarmed, Tora went to object, but Riley looked up at him suddenly, face crumpled as he finally let all that he felt show on his face. Fresh tears poured from his eyes as he whispered, voice cracking pathetically.

“Please,” he breathed.

Tora felt this boy’s pained expression pierce his heart, and he gently placed a hand over it. He nodded, then turned away and began to make his drink. Riley put his head down, unable to keep himself from sobbing quietly. His tears fell soundlessly onto the polished wooden surface, Riley watching as they congealed into a small puddle beneath his face. He couldn’t close his eyes, because he felt that if he did, everything would just get worse.

He was grateful when he heard Tora softly place his glass on the table. He looked up at the glass, strangely overjoyed when he saw how tall it was. “Thank you,” he mumbled weakly.

Riley knew as soon as he touched the glass he knew he was going to have trouble lifting it. His hands still hadn’t thawed out, rendering them almost completely useless. Not to mention all the emotions he’d been experiencing, and the crying and running.

But Riley wasn’t willing to wait.

Brow furrowing, he wrapped both of his hands around the glass, surprised somewhere in him that the beverage was warmer than he was. Carefully, he pulled the drink towards him, grateful to see there was a straw. He hesitated before drinking, staring into his dark cup of liquor.

You know what? Fuck the turtles.

His lips enveloped the open end of the straw pointed towards him, gulping down the surprisingly sweet fluid. He watched as the amount in his cup quickly depleted, and he forced himself to stop for air. He felt the burn of the liquor entering his system as he gulped in oxygen the same way he drank down his . He placed his elbows on the table, holding his head in his hands. He gently gripped his dark roots as he squeezed his eyes shut.

The silence of the bar seemed so loud, so crowded with the very memories he came here to drown. He wanted to scream as his world fell apart, because making some noise would be better than leaving and no one knowing. His howling would be proof he existed, proof that he, too, had a soul.

He just lost it.

“I put some syrup in there to flavor it for you. I couldn’t guarantee that mixing everything was going to taste good,” Tora said in a small voice, trying to keep Riley from withdrawing into his mind, where, no doubt, Tora would be unable to reach him.

Riley took a moment to process Tora’s voice, so soft and soothing. He had to compose himself a little to be able to mutter out, “Guessed so. Thanks, I guess.”

Tora hummed in reply, giving a small nod. His eyes were trained on Riley’s form, and he was grateful that next to nobody knew about this place.

There was a silence between them, one where the monsters in Riley’s head began to reappear, just on the edges of his vision, but so large and dark they seemed to give him a kind of tunnel vision. Soon, all he could see was the glass before him, and before he knew it, his hand whipped out and brought the glass close to him again.

The rest of his drink was gone within seconds, and it was as if a stranger used Riley’s voice to say, “Another.”