Confession

100 MPH

After several silent minutes passed, Mike challenged Chester's question. "Why do we have to do anything? Why does anything have to change?" Mike's hands tightened their grip on Chester's hips, fearful that at any moment, Chester would pull away from him and leave. Don't go, don't leave me. Not now... now that I know you feel the same way I do. Please don't go!

Chester sighed, turning his face into Mike's neck and slipping his hands down from Mike's hair, feathering circles on his back. Mike could feel the warm puffs of Chester's breath near his collarbone, and he could swear he just felt soft, warm lips touching his neck.

"Chester... we can just be how we've always been. Together. We're together. They don't have to understand. They don't have to know. The guys. Anna... Tali... It can just be ours, Ches, the way it's always been. Except now I'll know, I'll remember. Please..." Mike's voice trailed off as he felt Chester pull away, and he drew a shaky breath, opening his eyes to see Chester sink down on the side of the bed.

The conflict on Chester's face tore a hole in Mike's heart. I don't understand! How can you kiss me and then push me away!

Chester ran a hand over his face, grimacing for a moment before looking up into Mike's eyes. "I just... think... I don't know what I think. I mean, it's not like everyone doesn't know. Hell, even Jim must know, why would we always need connecting rooms?" Chester's eyes glided around Mike's room again, coming to rest on the still open door leading back into his. A touch of a smile crossed his lips, before continuing, "I think they'd be surprised that we aren't fucking."

Warmth flooded Mike's body as Chester so casually mentioned them fucking. Fucking. Yes, yes, let's do that. "Then what is there to think about, Ches?" Mike asked softly. Chester fell back on the bed, legs dangling over the side, Mike looking at him from just feet away. Look at you, Ches. I can see every line of your body right now, every place I've already touched and the places I haven't known yet. I want to know all of you. Nobody has to know. "Nobody knows anything for sure. We can just keep it that way."

Mike really couldn't believe he was suggesting active deception, it really wasn't like him at all. It was one thing to conceal feelings, it was a wholly other thing to conceal an affair. Affair. The word rolled around Mike's consciousness, and he tried to muster some feelings to go with it. Bad feelings... shame, or potential regret. All he could come up with was excitement. "I'm tired of ignoring how I feel. How we feel. Let's just feel, Ches, for once." Mike reached out a hand toward Chester, who looked up at him with eyes full of conflict.

"I know if I say yes to you now, I'm saying yes forever. And I'm not sure hiding this is the best way." Chester took Mike's hand, placing a gentle kiss in his palm, the way he had done the night before. Mike felt his heart sink at Chester's words, and the beginnings of tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as Chester continued, "I'm not saying no, Mikey. I just need to figure out how we go forward without destroying everything we've worked for. Without destroying families. Because I know once this starts, you're going to be the only thing in my world. And it won't be long before everyone knows. Are we ready for that? Are you?" He paused, thinking, and continued, "there's no need to rush, Mike. We've been on this road for a decade. At a steady 5 miles per hour," he grinned, "so no need to smash the pedal down now."

Chester stood up, pulling Mike in close the way they were before, and Mike closed his eyes again, feeling Chester's fuzzy pajamaed warmth nuzzle into his body. "Mikey," he whispered, "we'll figure it out, ok?" Chester's cheek rested on Mike's, both men breathing in sync, naturally- everything about their lives was in sync. It was just the way they were. The way they had been for fifteen years or maybe even more.

Mike nodded, silent, aching to throw Chester down on the bed and take everything he wanted from the smaller man. Patience. He's right. This has been ten years in the making. I can wait some more. I can do it, if it means I can finally have him the way I want him. All of him. "Ok, Ches. Let's get dressed. I'm hungry."