Confession

Jealousy

Brad could feel every glance Rob threw his way during breakfast, and he was starting to lose patience with the scrutiny. He knew he was being a crabby pain in the ass when it came to Mike and Chester, and if he was being completely honest with himself, he wasn't entirely sure why it was bothering him so much, but he was afraid of what was unfolding in front of his eyes, and that fear had manifested itself in anger.

The initial shock he'd felt watching two of his closest friends- one of whom he'd known since junior high- stumble into a hotel room with hands all over and lips locked together had worn off the past two weeks, and what was left was something that felt strangely like jealousy, combined with the fear. When he took the time to really sit down and analyze things, he could see the inevitability of it all. Ever since Chester had arrived in their band, the dynamic between himself and Mike had shifted, ever so slightly at first, but more and more over the years, until it felt that Mike's time, attention, and energies were consumed with Chester, and Brad felt on the outside more often than not.

Mike and Chester existed around and within each other the way that the sun and moon were in the sky, circling, reflecting, simultaneously independent and codependent. Brad had observed their mannerisms for years, the way when one would cross their legs in an interview, the other would unconsciously follow within minutes. The way they both threw their heads back to laugh together. The seamless way their bodies moved together on stage, when one shifted left the other followed, then right, leaning, arms linked together, tucked up against each other, voices almost always flawlessly harmonizing. There was intimacy in both their movements and their music, and it was no longer something they worked on, hadn't for years. It was just there, seeping out of every moment, obvious to everyone except apparently the four of their closest friends.

Brad was frustrated that he had not thought to warn Mike years ago where things were headed. He should have warned Mike that Chester would consume him, that there would come a time when Mike wouldn't be able to be away from him, that he saw how susceptible to Chester's magnetism Mike had become. Mike just couldn't tell him no— he indulged his whims, he made things happen for Chester. It was obvious now, with the ability to look at the years behind them, that as each year passed, Mike's reflection of Chester, the moon to his sun, had deepened to the point that they were almost one person. He should have warned him, what kind of friend was he, after all? Mike and Chester. Always, it was Mike and Chester. Brad didn't know when the line had been crossed, when the emotional intimacy had crossed into physical intimacy, but he feared for Mike, his best friend, and what would happen if Mike thought that he and Chester were going to end up together. Brad just didn't see Chester being as emotionally involved as Mike. Chester loved so many things, cared so deeply for everything, that Brad just didn't think Mike was different from everything else in which Chester was invested. He feared that for Mike, Chester was the only thing, and no relationship that unbalanced could be healthy.

So when he'd gone to Mike to demand an end to their improprieties, he still had hope that things hadn't progressed too far, that things were salvageable. However, the look on Mike's face when he'd told him to end things with Chester told him everything he needed to know. It was too late. Everything seemed to be hanging in the balance as they set off on the next leg of the tour, everyone tiptoeing around the others, everyone knowing the Mike and Chester were... together... and nobody knowing what to do about anything and nobody saying anything to anyone else.

When he looked up from his plate he met Rob's eyes, and where Brad was full of inner turmoil, Rob appeared to be completely at peace. Scowling, Brad finished off his tea and said, "I think I'll head back up. Got a few things to catch up on before the meet and greet."

He was annoyed when Rob excused himself as well and followed behind him, silently taking the elevator up and holding the door open for Brad as he stepped out. As they made their way down the hall, Rob asked, "you have a few minutes? I want to talk to you about something."