the culprit | keith kogane

X | saturday

pidgeon 🤖| 9:54 a.m.
yeah, i talked to lance.
are you okay?

y/n | 10:01 a.m.
i'm okay. just tired, i think.

—

I TOSSED ANOTHER DART, landing it straight in the middle. I've played this game too many times, leading up to my weird skill in it. I rubbed my eyes for the umpteenth time today. I already tried napping earlier, but that only led to me being alone with my thoughts, which is never good, most of the time.

I threw another dart, but this time it hit the rim. I was distracted again. "Fuck," I cursed under my breath, sitting up to pluck the darts off the pierced board, collecting them in my left hand again. My thoughts kept falling back onto Y/n and my actions last night. Can't the ghost of yesterday just leave me alone or something?

I'm tired of thinking about how I fucked up. I know I did. I don't need a reminder of it every fucking second, damn it. My thoughts did the exact opposite, swarming me. Would it have been better if I kept my promise? Would I have one upped Lance if I did so? And what if Lance hadn't taken her home that night? We could've hung out, gotten fro-yo, done stupid shit like the old times. . .

Biting the inside of my cheek instinctively, I sat up on my bed and threw more darts, most of them hitting the edge. At this point, I didn't bother trying again as I sighed out loud. I desperately needed a distraction at this point; there was no way that this was healthy.

Knowing that my dog's ears were perked, I called out to him. "Walk?" Is all I needed to say, his tail instantly wagging as he barked. I nodded at him, waving my hand out the door. "Leash," I called and he went to go grab it, his gray collar shifting in his fur with his movements. Blinking sleepily, I attempted to wipe the sleep away from my eyes, turning my head to see Kosmo.

He had his leash in his mouth, tail wagging ecstatically as his ears perked. "Good boy," I scratched the top of his head, clipping the leash to his collar and tugging on it lightly. I pulled on a red and black plaid button up, not bothering to button it up over my undershirt. I looked down to see the sweat shorts I wore, shrugging and heading downstairs.

I shoved my feet into my sneakers, heading out the door and closing it behind me. Making sure that it was locked, I wrapped the leash around my wrist and started out with a jog. This time, Kosmo didn't take the lead. It seemed like he felt like following for today. I jogged alongside him, his paws keeping up with my pace as his tongue lolled out of his mouth.

A few little kids made me stop sometimes, their grabby hands making clenching and unclenching motions as they screamed, "DOGGY!" I stopped whenever they did so, their mother or father giving me apologetic smiles as their little kids ran their fingers, petting Kosmo. He seemed to enjoy the attention, sniffing and licking their tiny hands.

"It's fine," I pushed back my damp black hair, smiling lightly. Kosmo barked happily, jumping onto the stroller lightly. The mother looked frightened for a second, but I knew he'd never do something that'd harm the toddler. Instead, he licked his cheek, sniffing it afterwards before bounding off of it.

I waved at the woman as we started up our run again, sprinting down the sidewalk and down roads. I'm not sure how much I ran, but I do know that it was the repetition of slowing down when I was tired and speeding up when I felt like I could go on for two blocks or more. Kosmo would whine sometimes, but I'd stop every block or so for a few minutes to give him a break.

Suddenly, he tugged at the leash harshly, nearly causing me to fall back and hit my butt on the pavement. I stopped, glancing backwards to see him pull the leash with his teeth, barking at Y/n's house. Hearing the barking, the curtains opened up to reveal M/n, her mom. She smiled at Kosmo, gaze following to me.

Her stare wasn't anger infused, nor was it welcoming. It was stale, as if filled with disappointment. As if I don't have enough of that in my life already. I shook my head, talking to Kosmo. "No. C'mon, boy." I pulled the leash forwards, starting up on the run again as Kosmo whined, but followed along reluctantly.

I wish that it was Y/n that peeked out of the curtains instead. I didn't need her mother's opinion on my actions. I just wanted to know if she was okay, if she even forgave me for my bitchy actions. I really don't blame her if she didn't, but I hope so. It's hard to forgive something like that. 

I lost it because I simply couldn't control my temper. I'd been told that before, back at Garrison elementary by Mr. Iverson. Even the principal back then, Mrs. Sanda had told me off because of it. She'd told me that I should get my temper in control before I land myself in a devastating spot. 

Of course, that never did any good. Nonetheless, I took her advice with a grain of salt. I was bitter and that was the same year that I'd lost my father. I think that was specifically where it spiraled out of control, leading to my distrust and anxiety towards people. It never really helped when people spoke up, but didn't know the story behind it.

It always pissed me off.

People pissed me off.

Shaking my head out of the strenuous thought process, I pulled the leash forwards again. We had abruptly stopped at a curb due to my subconscience seeing that Kosmo needed a break. I glanced back at him, running my hand down on the top of his head. "You won't ever judge me. Will you, boy?" I questioned like an idiot, but he seemed to understand, oddly enough.

He sniffed my hand, barking happily. "I'm glad at least one person doesn't," My brows furrowed as I knelt to his height. "Animal, more like." He tilted his head at that, but didn't respond, licking my hand. I cracked a smile, chuckling softly. "I love you too, Kosmo." Kissing the top of his head, I stood up again to pull his leash forward, but he took the lead instead.

Looks like I'll be running a bit more.