Isn't exactly a verb that goes with cancer ,is it? I thought that after passing my exams my life will get easier day by day.But it didn't.My grandma's cancer got back in final stage.It got worse and it felt like I was drawning.Drawning in things that I couldn't do ,promises i couldn't keep.They were all coming back at me.Haunting me.These feelings gave birth to another.Fear that i can't do a thing to change what's happening.
I needed to be saved but my tears became more and more comforting .And so did the pain I was living in.Nobody seemed to get it.I was suffering too.It wasn't an excuse for my BAC results. It was just me suffering.I think nobody saw that before so they didn't recognise it.I don't actually believe in God anymore.Call me whatever you want but you haven't been through what I've been.Do me a favor.Imagine an ocean full of strong currents.One called dissapointment is pulling you to the left.The other is called depression and is pushing you to the right.Finally comes anxiety who is dragging you down as it goes.You are waiting to drawn and you feel like you deserve it .But someone thows at you a life vest.He doesn't want you to drawn cause you were nice to him .You don't understand wether he needs you to be ok or he wants to push back in.But he seems ok.You get to truat him.But there is one problem .You are connected so when you suffer he suffers as well.He wants you to smile,be cheerfull.So you tell yourself "Fake it till you make it.He doesn't really approve but you tell him :"Babe ,that's how I pulled through until now".It's gotta work again.
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Midnight thoughts.
AléatoireYou don"t realise you miss someone untill you loose that person..I trully hope that these ideas will be able to help you. And please don"t get me wrong.This doesn"t mean that I am some sort of a genius.I don"t have an answer for every question or a...
