My Secret Crush

CHAPTER 13 #MSC

ALEX POV

"What's going on here?"

"They were kissing until-"

"You kissed!" Iris exclaims before Ray could complete his sentence.

My butt still hurts and all they care about is. We kissed!

We actually kissed! I kissed Aisling. I Alex kissed her Aisling.

There was raw emotion the way her fingers curled into my hair, how she invaded all my senses, how i could only focus on how soft, firm and persuasive she felt against my mouth.

Could I be?

Am I?

Could it be it?

Jesus. It is.

Have always push every thought of it away. The thought of ever developing any sort of feelings in my life. Since I met her eyes. I knew it wouldn't be an easy task.

I know nothing about her but I can tell she's different. Different from every girl that just want to be with me for my reputation. Different from the several girls Iris have hooked me up with. Most importantly she's nothing like Claire even thou they look so much alike.

"We are just gonna excuse you two."
Iris announced smiling like she just achieved her aim in life. "Am sure You'ld like some privacy after this whole--" She wave her hand in the air "You know what am saying" She nudges Ray slightly.

"Have fun" She chirp.

"But not too much fun" Ray points a warning finger at me before breaking into a wide smile. "Now that what am saying when I tell you to go for a whale with a river in it and not a fish that lives in the river"

I swear they are the problem in my life.

"What the fuck are you saying"

"You are too dumb to understand me Iris"

"The reason is----"

They went on with their continuous bickering until they were out of sight. Leaving me too numb to utter a word.

This shouldn't be bad after all. I need time to clear my head, my mind, my thought and every other thing that involves --

"Am sorry"

She whisper so low but I heard because even while am trying to clear all the shit stuffed in my head. It's difficult to focus with her around me.

"I should have just listened. But really it wasn't my fault. I just couldn't keep my cla--" Her eyes widen stopping herself immediately like she was about to say something she shouldn't. "What am saying is, damn you are--" She slaps her hand over her mouth quickly muttering words I don't even understand.

I found her actions funny.

Maybe Iris did the right thing.

I guess it's time to move on.

"Am not sorry for Friday or today am just--"

She interrupts.

"You aren't acting like it didn't happen" Red tints on her check but it was soon to disappear. A pain expression taking over her beautiful features

"You said it wasn't right, you walked away, Did I do something wrong?"

If am doing this she deserves to know about it.

"I didn't mean to. It's just--" I sigh heavily.

Am I doing the right thing?

Even doing the right things feels so wrong at times.

"Alex, it's okay if you don't want to talk about it. Am totally cool with pretending none of this happened"

That works for me too but--
Forget it am done with this mind conversation.

"She has been messing with my head lately. It's been two years and I should have been over her. She doesn't even care about what am doing or what I did. She makes me feel like I still owe her something. It wasn't even my fault and I feel so guilty about it. She couldn't even give me a reason for it before leaving. She left. She just walked out of my life like I mean nothing to her"

"Have always known it was one sided but I couldn't just make myself believe it and stop caring about Claire. It's always like the more I care and try to make it work the less she gives a fuck about it, about us. And you know what hurts the most. She didn't even hide any of it from me."

"She is a scarlet and she still comes back after everything acting like she didn't just cheat on our relationship and I still end up giving her numerous chances thinking she would change. I was told but I never listened until she did again. This time with my cousin in my garden, on my birthday "

"I walked in on them, both half naked. Even after doing this to me. I made advances to still make it work between us. She thought I was desperate. Of course I was because no matter how bad she treated me. I just couldn't find a place in my heart to get mad at her. To tell her it was over, to stop loving her. It was difficult. I tried but it seems impossible to just throw everything we worked for over seven years away"

"She promised to change and by changing what I didn't know she meant was breaking up with me the day she left the country not before blaming me for all her actions, accusing me of not doing anything to make it work. And that was it. She left. That was the last time I ever spoke to Claire again. She left me broken without giving me a reason why she thinks I am the reason it all happened"

"Am sorry I made you feel bad. Am sorry I just walked out on you. My life is screwed and I just didn't want the same thing to happen twice again"

I guess you never realize how much you need to get something off your chest until you spill it.

It was calm for some moment until--

I watched her move to sit next to me on the sofa. Placing her hand over mine in a soothing manner.

She isn't even aware of the tingling sensation I'm feeling as a result of her actions.

"Thank you for listening to me"