Changing Me

Chapter 5

Tuesday morning came way too quick and I was exhausted since I had barely gotten any sleep, worked up and scared in case Dad came home and saw me still in his house.

My life was like a ticking bomb ready to explode at any given moment and I was the only one who had to be constantly wary of it.

My heart ached so bad just to have a normal life like everyone else, to have a loving family like I once had and to be able to trust them with my life, my soul and everything I had.

Only to get the thrill of having control over something, I decided to stay and not to go school today. Its not like I would have fun either way. 

I crept over to my bedroom window and peeked though the small gap in the curtains, not wanted the neighbours or a passerby to notice me.

Not seeing any drunken men that could be my father, I let out the breath I didn't realise I was holding and hurried downstairs straight into the kitchen.

I noticed how everything seemed out of place, with dirty plates and cups piling out of the sink and even some sprawled all over the worktops. A couple of empty wine bottles littered the floor,leaving very less space to walk.

I guess I do have something to do  now seeing as the only grown up in my life that's supposed to be doing these things is a utterly useless.

Cautiously, I stepped though the mess trying to get to the fridge so I could eat something before cleaning.

The fridge was completely empty with the exception of a moldy slice of cheese that had probably been  forgotten to throw out along with the other over- dated food.

I sighed in frustration and let out a small scream. Just great, I'm going to starve while I clean this damn home and then scrape up some money to buy food.

I started out by picking up the disgusting rubbish off the floor and emptying them into the already overflowing bin. Then searching through the drawers to find the packet of bin liners. "At least I had something" I thought, as my hand grabbed it.

Holding my nose with one hand to avoid belching on the stench, I pulled out the dirty bag on knotted it swiftly before throwing it outside. Gingerly, I picked up the wine bottle that had probably been drank straight from them, and lined them next to the rubbish bags.

Now for the dishes...

***

By the time I had finished cleaning the whole kitchen, my arms felt as if they were going to fall off and my stomach was grumbling with a voice of its own.

I walked through the door, slamming it shut behind me. Quickly starting  up the car, that was once a family car, I drove down to the local grocery store.

I remembered how my mum and dad would always jokingly argue as to who would be driving as I sat in the back, constantly complaining and moaning, though deep down I secretly loved it.

I missed my parents- and i meant both parents- so bad that it literally killed me inside. I wondered why God had to take them away from me when I truly needed them the most.

Every single day, since the day my mum had been murdered, was a constant nightmare that I wished I would wake up from to find myself in my mum's arms, safe and protected from all harm. Though I knew I would have to come to reality soon, it was too painful and hurt too much.

Wiping away tears that I hadn't realised were streaming down my face, I tried to clear my blurred sight. I parked up my car and momentarily dropped my head back against the head rest and closed my eyes.

My head was once again swimming with images of my childhood; a life so bleak in comparison to how it was now.  All this grief and resentfulness was really giving me a headache.

I turned onto my back and stared up at through too-bright, too-blue sky,wishing it would all come crashing down on me.

A sudden knocking on the car window, quickly brought me out of my thoughts. I blinked a couple of times before finally recognising the familiar face I had seen only days ago...

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Ohhhhh gawd! I wonder who this person is! ;) LOL hope you enjoy the chapter and don't forget to comment, vote and follow (only if you think I deserve it!)

P.S. Enjoy the beautiful sad media on the side!