Unloving Ryosuke | HSJ | ✔︎

four

Three months later...

Slowly walking outside the arrival area of Narita Airport, Emiri pulls her luggage with her before carefully taking off her sunglasses.

She leisurely roams her eyes around the place, inhaling the familiar scent of her home country.

She's finally back.

It's a surprise that no paparazzi nor people from the media got wind of her arrival to the country but she prefers it this way. She kept her arrival a secret because she wants to protect her privacy. This is better than being flocked by tens of people, all pointing their recorders and cameras in front of her face, asking rather imposing questions.

A smile curves her lips but vanishes easily as she feels her phone vibrate through her hand-carry. She fishes it out and her brows immediately furrow as she reads the caller ID.

Chinen Yuri calling...

It's not even Ryosuke calling but the beating of her heart is erratic. Cold sweats start popping on her forehead despite being inside the cold place.

The hand holding the phone shakes and she contemplates whether or not to answer the call.

But the former wins. She realizes that there's no reason whatsoever for her to reject Chinen's call. Even though she met him through Ryosuke, he is a friend of hers. And whatever has happened between her and Ryosuke, Chinen is out of it.

Taking a deep breath, she slides the answer button to the side and puts the phone on her ear. "Hello?"

"Emi-chan! Finally!" Chinen's cheerful voice is evident even through the phone. "Where are you? Have you arrived in Japan yet? I saw the news about your recital, and I heard it's ended. How was it?"

Despite her greatest efforts to remain passive, a chuckle escapes from her throat. "Ask one at a time, Chii. Breathe."

She hears an inhale, exhale ritual a couple of times before Chinen speaks again. "Are you in Japan now?"

"I just came back," she answers, a smile creeping her face. "I'm still at the airport."

"Really? Ah, yokatta."

"Why?" she frowns despite the smile on her face. "What's up?"

"Well, you remember what day it is tomorrow, right?"

She glances at her wristwatch to see the date tomorrow. November 30, 2016.

Her eyes widen a little, then she bites her lower lip. "I almost forgot, Chii! Sorry."

"I thought so," he chuckles from the other line. "It's okay, I know you're busy with the recitals. Plus, it's still tomorrow. You can make it tomorrow, right?"

"Make it? Why? What's the plan for tomorrow?"

"Well, the guys and I are planning on having a simple celebration dinner for tomorrow. And I want you to come as well."

She feels a sudden fast heartbeat. Biting her lower lip again, she hesitates. "Um, Chii, I don't think it's appropriate for me to be there."

"Why not? A few colleagues outside JUMP will be with us tomorrow as well."

"But..." she sighs, she doesn't want to reject Chinen's request, especially since he's a friend very close to her heart.

"Is it about Ryosuke?" Chinen interjects, then he sighs as well. "It's been four months, Emi-chan. I don't think Ryosuke minds."

She knows that Chinen's words mean no harm nor did he say that to hurt her. But as she hears those words come out from her friend's lips, she feels the familiar crumbling of her heart.

Yes, it has been four months. Time flew by fast in Paris and before she knew it, she was back in Japan.

But never did Ryosuke leave her mind once. Even though she stopped watching Japanese news and reading Japanese newspapers or magazines so she would not know what was happening to his life, he was still on her mind always. Every single day that passed, he would visit her thoughts before the day ended. He became like a lifeline that kept her alive, living her daily life like a robot.

She thought that having the proper closure with him three months ago would make her unlove him fully. But she was mistaken.

Up until no, she still loves Ryosuke. Very much so. She still yearns to hold him every night. She still dreams of being by his side despite knowing that she can never come back.

"Emi-chan?"

She swallows the big lump on her throat. Clearing her throat, she speaks, "I don't know."

"Please?" Chinen pleads. "You know that outside JUMP, you're the only one I'm close with."

Emiri closes her eyes tightly. She's torn between agreeing and not. It's so hard to decide especially because she's stuck in the middle of her friend and her personal feelings.

But what else is holding her back anyway? Chinen is right, it has been four months. And no matter how sad and painful it is, Chinen is right in saying that Ryosuke will not mind it anymore.

For all she knows, he might have forgotten about them already. Maybe he has already moved on. It's not impossible, seeing how she hurt him back then.

But maybe that's what's holding her the most. She doesn't want to see that Ryosuke's already moved on. That he's already forgotten about their past. That he's already okay while she's shattering almost every single day.

"Please? Just this once, please?"

Chinen's voice brings her back to reality. She realizes that she's still on the phone with him.

She holds the phone and her luggage tightly, getting strength from them. Then she inhales before speaking. "Fine. I'll go."

"Yay! Than−"

"But just for a while, okay?" she interrupts before he finishes his sentence. "I'll excuse myself early."

"Okay, okay," Chinen said, his voice cheerful and oh-so happy.

If only she's feeling the same.

"Thank you, Emi-chan!"

She smiles, despite the painful tightness in her chest. "See you tomorrow, birthday boy."