Unloving Ryosuke | HSJ | ✔︎

three

Three consecutive knocks on the door divert Emiri's attention from reading the music sheets for tonight's performance.

Standing up, she placed the music sheets on the bed then walks toward the door and opens it. Only to regret opening the door when she sees Ryosuke's familiar figure on the other side.

"I found you, finally," he breathes, the relief and happiness on his face evident.

Ah, how she missed those expressions of his. Not a single day apart from him did he leave her thoughts. Not a day passed that she didn't think of him. Not a single day did she forget about him.

Every single day, she misses him.

And now... how she wants to cross the distance between them and wrap herself around his arms, savoring his warmth. How she yearns to touch his face and ask him how he has been. How she desires to run her fingers through his soft, silky hair and just kiss those lips thoroughly.

But she remains passive. Trying her best, she removes all emotions from her face and speaks the coldest she can muster. "What are you doing here?"

His eyes increases in size, mouth opening and closing as if to say something but takes it back after. Then he sighs and massages his head lightly. "That's what you're going to ask me first? What am I doing here?"

"Yes," she swallows the lump on her throat and blinks twice to push back the tears that threatens to fall. She repeats her question, this time with emphasizing tone. "What are you doing here?"

She silently wishes she closed her eyes when she sees the pain the crossed and lingered Ryosuke's eyes. Suddenly, the confident Ryosuke is nowhere to be found. The person in front of her now is a fragile-looking version of him.

And it pains her triple times seeing him like this.

But she remains steadfast. She does not budge, or tries not to.

Inhaling deeply, she gathers her inner strength. "If you're not going to say anything, please leave."

She prays so hard that he goes and leaves her be. Emiri is sure any moment now she will not be able to hold back anymore. And she will jump on him. She holds the door tightly to control herself.

In the first place, what is he even doing there in Paris? For such a busy person, how does he have the time to leisurely fly to France and go where she is right now? Does he even know that by doing this be's just making things hard for her even more?!

It's been more than a month since she broke up with him and hid in her mentor's house. Is he still looking for her?

She prays again that he will up and leave her. Right now and for good.

No matter how that thought breaks her into million pieces.

But instead of answering her prayer, he does the opposite. Without even the invitation from her, he goes inside her room and makes himself at home by sitting on the couch nonchalantly.

Emiri is left on the doorway, her eyes wide and mouth a little parted.

"What are you sitting there for? Come inside." Ryosuke says as he motions his hands for her to come.

Her brow ticks a little, then she closes the door before walking towards him. "What do you think you're doing, Ryosuke?"

"Visiting my girlfriend in Paris, that's what."

"Huh?!" she almost hysterically exclaims. Then she puts her arms on her waist. "I'm just reminding you since you seem to have forgotten but I bro−"

"Stop," he interrupts her, his eyes brimmed with silent pleading despite the calm demeanor.

Hearing the crumbling of her heart, she swallows and hardens her face. "Ryosuke, please... this the best for both of us."

"No," he shakes his head. He stands up and then paces back and forth before completely stopping in front of her.

She attempts to take a step backward when he prevents her from doing so by putting both his hands on her shoulder.

Emiri stiffens, her back straights. Her eyes darts to his, taking note of his expression. She swallows the lump forming on her throat. Suddenly, she feels so hard to breathe, her throat constricts.

Chocolate brown orbs stare at her deeply, almost coaxing. Delving through her deepest soul − a mute, desperate cry on his face.

Then, he finally breaks the silence that envelops them.

And together with the breaking of silence, her heart once again breaks a million pieces.

"Don't break up with me," he murmurs, his voice fragile and breaking. "Don't leave me."

"R-ryosuke..." she speaks in a weak and tremulous whisper, almost choking on her words. Her eyes welling with tears but she doesn't care anymore. "Ryosuke, p-please don't be like t-this."

He shakes his head slowly, closing his eyes tightly as if to lessen the pain and hopes that when he opens his eyes, these will all be just a dream.

"I'd do anything for you, E, you know that." he breathes painfully. Then shakes his head again. "But not this. Ask for anything, E, and I'd gladly do that for you. But not this, never ask for this."

It's her turn to shake her head. She inhales a deep, strained breath before straightening her back and looking at him straight in his eyes. No turning back, Emiri.

"Among the thousand things you can do for me, Ryosuke, this is the only thing I would like to ask of you," she said firmly, lifting her chin up. "I need this, Ryosuke. We both need this time apart. You see, I'm... I'm not myself anymore. This isn't me. And as much as I would not like to admit, the change happened because of this relationship." Hot liquid starts flowing to her cheeks but she doesn't stop it. To hell with it, she's in too much pain right now she can't even contain the tears. "I n-need to find m-myself again... I'm so lost right now. Please, Ryosuke, please..."

There's a thick silence that covers them, you could easily slice it with a knife. For a while, they stay like that − eyes on each other, nobody dares to speak, studying each other's expression.

Until he finally breaks the eye contact. He looks down, as if contemplating on what to say. Then he looks at her, his eyes welled with tears. "Then find yourself. Don't break up with me just because of this."

"You don't understand," she shakes her head. "It's because we're in a relationship that I became like this. It's because you were my boyfriend."

The look on his face literally shatters her. The pain he's feeling is evident on his expression, and all she wants to do at the moment is run to him and comfort him with all she can.

But she doesn't do that.

Instead, she flashes him a determined expression. "Let's break up."

He swallows this time. God, he wants to kneel down and do everything just to make her stay. But seeing the determined expression on her face, he knows there's nothing more he can do to change her mind.

He pushes back the tears and smiles before whispering the words that kill the both of them. "Okay. Let's break up, E."

Walking to his feet, he heads toward the door but abruptly stops when he's in front of the door. He speaks without looking back. "But I'll be waiting for you to come back."

"Ryosu−"

"Don't take this from me, E," he interjects. "Let me wait for you until you decide to come back. The house is open. It will always be your home to come back to. So find yourself and bring yourself back. I will be patiently waiting."

After that, he doesn't wait for her reply and opens the door then goes out without another word.