ptx oneshots (meau, scomark, scomiche, KATT, Keigh, Kirstie and Ben, etc.)

because of you (scomark/scristie friendship)

"And he jumped in. I shouldn't have been so fucking pushy and argumentative about the whole kid thing. But I was. That day, had I known it would have been our last kiss, I would have kissed him harder. I would have told him I loved him over and over again. I would have told him how happy he made me. I would have held them like there was no tomorrow. I thought there would be a million tomorrows, I thought a lot of things. But all my thoughts were wrong. Because he's gone. I still see his face in every crowd of our shows, Kirst. I hear his laugh, his precious, precious, laugh in my dreams. I still feel his spirit, but I long to feel his embrace and tell him that I love him one last time. Just one time, Kirst."

      Scott fell to his knees on the hotel room floor, and sobbed like he never had before. "I miss him, Kirst. So so much. It's an unreal pain. You truly don't realize how much you love a person, until you lose them, and you'll never, ever, see them again. This past couple weeks have thrown me for a loop. I planned to spend the rest of my life with him. Now, I'll spend the rest of my life mourning him. He was truly my reason for living."

         He kissed his palm, and raised it to the sky, in hopes that Mark would feel it. "I'm so sooo sorry, angel. I love you so so much. I snatched you from what you have made a beautiful life, and I'll miss you always."

        Kirstie spoke from the other side of the phone. "Scotty, please, please don't blame yourself. This is not your fault."

"But it is, Kirst. It is. If I haven't been so fucking pushy, hoping to convince him like I had in other situations, he would still be here. I knew I was bothering him, but I didn't think it was getting to him that much. And I still don't know why it bothered him so much."

"Well, please don't think about the reasons why. Your mind will always circle back to you being the root cause." Kirstin really wanted to give Scott a hug right now, she heard the pain in his voice. She heard the deep love that he lost, she heard the hole being carved bigger and bigger in his heart. She knew how much Mark had lifted him up, got him out of his bed everyday with a smile, even when he didn't feel like smiling, Mark had the enchantment to make him smile. He made him feel so warm and safe in his embrace, and Scott didn't want to let go. Kirstin only wished she had the power to do the same.

Scott was sitting by the fireplace, hoping to feel some warmth, and scanned his mantle with his teary eyes. There was him and Mark at Coachella. There was him and Mark cuddling. There was him and Mark.. oh, he couldn't do it anymore. He ran up to the mantle, grabbed the pictures and threw them down in a sobbing scream, shattering the glass, just like his heart.

Kirstin felt that, felt his heart shatter into pieces. And her heart broke for Scott.

"I remember his last words to me, Kirst. I will never live them down."

"What did he say, love?" Kirstie said, frowning and hoping that what she thought was wrong.

"He said.. this is because of you."

Kirstie sobbed and sobbed feeling the true pain for her friend, but tried to lighten the mood. "Hey, Scotty. I have an idea. Let's do all the things that Mark wanted to do, but never got the chance to, in his spirit, his honor."

They made it their mission for the next three years to live the way Mark would, and only the way Mark would. Their friendship blossomed into something beautiful and real, and one day when Scott was reflecting on what he had gained and lost over the years, and realized his life had truly changed because of Mark. "This is because of you, baby." He said as he kissed the air.