I Want To Know (ON HOLD)

The Jump

4 years later

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The internship had been a blast I'd admit to anyone who'd ask. Not that anyone did. U-Penn was a dream I didn't know I had. I planned on keeping up with the dream, and so I enrolled in the graduate program U-Penn hosted and decided to get my masters in Criminology. Those 4 years were nothing less of a bliss either.

I had my life planned out just about. I was guaranteed a job at the local police department as part of the forensics team and planned to move there permanently. Of course my parents were devastated and after much pulling and prodding and begging, they mercifully relented. Yet there was a catch. And this catch was thrown at my face faster than you could say "steely wheely automobile" by my wonderful mother 4 months before I returned to Philadelphia.

"You're marrying Yusuf."

I laughed nervously. "What do you mean? We haven't even spoken in years! Is this a joke?"

Mama looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. "You should sit down. I didn't want things to happen this way, but Allah is the best of planners."

She grabbed my elbow gently and led me to the couch. There was worry in her eyes and I began to get this sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something was very wrong.

"Mehreen came to me for your hand just last month. She wants you to be Yusuf's wife. I couldn't refuse-"

I stood up suddenly. "No, I can't. You know I love Mehreen aunty but Yusuf? We haven't even seen each other, or spoken to each other, and I never even thought about him that way!"

Mama's face was sad. She immediately launched into a rebuttal. "Ahlam, jaan, you guys were best friends for years. He was always there for you and you for him. He's the ideal husband for you. Ever since his dad passed away, Mehreen has felt insecure about their lives. She wants you to make her home feel like home again."

I sighed, sitting down again, agitation lined my features. "We used to be friends Mama, we aren't anymore."

"Think about it Ahlam. Your baba and I have chosen Yusuf for you. Whatever he did, I'm not saying it was nothing, but is it worth holding a grudge over when he stood by you for years? Mistakes are only human beta. Even you know deep down inside that Yusuf is the perfect husband for you."

I stilled at her words, my eyes glazing over as I ran through the words in my head. She was right. It was true. Once upon a time I had contemplated over this. How Yusuf and I would've fit like puzzle pieces. Maybe the attraction and the feelings weren't there even then, but I had thought how perfectly we'd be able to run a home together and it had left a weird tingle in the base of my heart.

Mama patted my hand, leaving me alone with my thoughts. We were young, 18 years old. Yusuf had fallen in with the wrong people, it was true. Not 3 years later, his dad passed away. For the first time in a long time, guilt began to worm its way into my heart. I felt uneasy. He had chosen the wrong path and I had let him. In a way, I had abandoned him.

Maybe it was a spur of the moment decision, but all of a sudden, the memory of that day by the lockers flashed before my eyes and it was as if I was seeing things from his perspective. I knew he had reached out to apologize, several times after that. He had stopped long ago though.

I was so busy playing the victim, that I never realized I was also the criminal in one way or another.

But was I ready to forgive Yusuf Ali?

The taste of embarrassment still lingered in my mouth from when he had cornered me, chosen to believe an outsider over me, and called me the filthiest words I'd ever heard from his mouth.