Fall For You-Namjin

Sucker for pain.

       Three and a half years later.

       Dear Namjoon,
            I've  been  thinking about you alot. I wish I had the guts to tell you how I feel. But, I am afraid to tell you  about the threats your father said. I have been listening to second hand Sernade. And the song fall for you. Really matches  us. Because if you look into it. I really have loved you from the start. Even though I failed I still love you. It's  been a month since school started, and your still gone. I miss you. If you ever read this please know I'm  dead, or hurt. If you read it while I'm  alive. Then oops..My foster family out me in therapy for the pain I have been through. But, it's not really helping when you are my whole word. And, everything. If I am to see you in school today I will  not know what to say...It's  pathetic isn't it?
  Yours forever,
   Kim Jin.
   P.s I go by Jin now.
       ........

     Pathetic are the only  words crossing my mind, as I walk into the building filled with kids that hate me. They all think I'm  ungrateful. Yeah, as if. I'm  only giving the cold shoulder now, because  I grew up. That does not stop people from hating me. I understand why they do honestly. It is a rather simple reasoning. I am the one who sent away bad boy Namjoon. They say it's  my fault he is gone. Yeah right, as if they actually care about him. I walk down the halls with my earbuds jammed  into my ears. I am listening to Avril Lavigne, letting her strong lyrics cut through me completely. I feel a small bit of anger as I walk towards my locker. This damn locker...I have been beaten up here a lot and, it's  finally gotten to the point  to where it doesn't  hurt. When I get hit now, it makes me feel numb. The more I get hit the less I feel. It's a part of dealing  with it at home  as well. I get beat at home and school. I am not safe anywhere.

   I begin to unlock my locker, pretending that no one is staring at me with such judging eyes. I understand I'm  one of the few openly gay students in this school. I am human, not a Zoo exhibit. Of course, no one can hear my thoughts. I can basically feel their eyes staring at the back of my head. I may have gotten used to getting beat up everyday, but the rude  and judgemental stares have taken their toll on my broken mind.

    I finally  get my locker open, and feel a tap on my shoulder. Goodness, who wants  my damn attention now? I take out an earbud,  and raise an eyebrow at Chanyeol. "Here for another beating, or have you finally come to your senses  again and decided to apologise for beating my add every day since seventh grade." I notice that my voice has venom in it. Of course  It does. I'm  tired of being treated like shit. "I don't  like pretty little smartasses." Chanyeol growls as he steps closer to me. "Yeah, and I don't  like ugly ass fake blondes. Who are obviously  closet gay. Like, come on bro your wearing a Rupaul's drag race shirt. So honestly, I find you to be a bit of a hypocrite." I snap, I know this will get me hit. I want him to hit me. I've  grown to love the pain. It makes me feel somewhat wanted. Even if it is just for dickheads like Chanyeol to use me as a punching bag.

    Chanyeol pushes me further into my open locker. I wince as the shelf is pressed into my back. "Awe  feeling weak are we?" He asked with  a smirk. I laugh at his stupidity. "I'm  a sucker for pain." I respond, before I see a blur of a hand.  I feel a sharp pain  as a loud  smack echos through the hallways. The idiot bitch slapped me! How fucking absurd? I let out a growl of anger. Punching  me is one thing, but when you slap me like I'm your bitch. That's when you know you done fucked up. "When I say I'm  a sucker for pain...I mean I am a sucker for giving pain, and taking pain. Pain is beautiful...And your dumb ass has finally pushed my limit. I'm  not your bitch you will not treat me as such." I snap, before  full on punching Chanyeol in the face. The force Sends a sharp pain through my hand. It is not  a broken bone kind of pain. It is more like a kind of pain I'd love to feel again. I look down an Chanyeol who is cupping his face and trying not to cry. "I-I...I did not know you  could fight back." I roll my eyes at Chanyeol's stupidness. "We all can, most of us like Jimin are to afraid. Now....If you ever lay a hand on any of us again I'll  make sure to break a few bones next  time. " I snap before leaving Chanyeol on the floor. The whole teaching staff is on my side so they let me go to class.

    I walk with my Physiology book in my arms, going back to ignoring everyone. I already know what they are saying. Everyone is in so much shock that I knocked the fuck out of the king of assholes Park Chanyeol. I am in a bit of shock. It must be the fist fight training I got from Yoongi. Who is trying his hardest to get his boyfriend Jimin to learn. I shook my head in anger as I walk down the hall to class. I am walking rather fast. So I bump into a hard and muscular chest. Letting out a squeak. "O-oh sorry..." I whisper. I feel the guys arms try to steady me. I look up wide eyed, and  gasp. "Kim Namjoon?" I whisper softly. My heart hammers in my chest  as guilt eats me up. Oh, what were the odds of this wish? I am a sucker for pain, but not like this. Not past pain that will scar forever.....

1046 words.

A/N: the Chapters  are song titles. Also won't update more til I see reads.