Fall For You-Namjin

Complicated.

             Dear Namjoon,

                Why do you always haunt my thoughts? I am trying to think about other things, but  I can't  do that when all I think about is you. Are you okay, do  you need me again? I don't  Like feeling useless. I don't  wanna feel like a burden to the whole world, because God damn it, Namjoon I'm so sorry. I wish I could tell you the truth. Why am I so  scared of death? Wouldn't  death be worth it, if I could feel your arms around me one last time? Death is is an illusion, and so is the world. But, you are my illusion. My whole world. I can't  help it, maybe I'll  tell you one day. But, today is not that day. I know, I keep saying that. But, I need  to get over my fears.

       ........

          A couple of hours after my sister is done with my hair, I don't  look in the mirror. I'm  ugly anyways. I walk to my mirror, and see that it is still coverd up with  a black piece of cloth. My sister, calls my name as I turn to close the black drapes on my windows. I'd  rather live my life in darkness, than be in an illusion. I hear my sister call my name again, and walk out  of my room to see....

No one other than Kim  Namjoon. I freeze in my tracks, and gasp. "Namjoon? What brings you  here?" I ask softly, while walking up to him. Namjoon looks out of place, with his black leather jacket clashing against the modern appliances of the home. I look at him, not sure why my eyes linger on his lips. I watch as he begins to talk. "Mr.Lee said that you could  help  me with Forensics....And acting. He said, you needed help getting tutoring hours." I shiver at Namjoon's voice and gasp slightly. It is hard, not to wanna get on my knees. And, scream take me now. I want  him to take me now! God damn hormones! I act calm as I look at him. "Is your dad okay with a 'Fag' helping you?" I ask, softly. Because, I know how his father is. His father is what ruined our happiness. Namjoon looks at me, and presses his lips together. "He doesn't  know..." he says. I nod once, and look at his face again. He has grown up. His natural brown locks were now bleach blond, his face got more handsome. His dimples, are the only thing that look familiar. He looks like a rapper with the all black, and chain around his neck. I realize, that I have not responded in a bit. "That's  good, I don't  want you getting in trouble for hanging with me." I say, before smiling at Jennie. And, dragging Namjoon upstairs with me.
     .....

      It takes  awhile trying  to teach Namjoon how to freaking remember the bones in the human body. And, count blood splatters on the floor. I grab my forensics  folder, and put it away. "Kim Namjoon, you are rather slow aren't  you?" I ask. Namjoon looks up from where he is seated on my bed. Running a hand through his icy blonde hair, and smiling at me. His dimples showing. "Yeah, I don't know how  I'm  gonna be a Medical Examiner.." Namjoon says. Before looking at me. "Are you  still gonna be a detective?" He asks, giving  me another smile. "Detective Kim, would be cool." I respond. "Yeah, I know. You are good at asking questions, and pointing  out lies."Namjoon says, before standing. "Seokjin, I understand  that you hurt me, but that don't  mean we can't be friends...I like the hair by the way. Purple really suits you. You are handsome, Seokjin. Embrace it. " Namjoon says. I smile for real. "Call me Jin Hyung, and I'll see you soon." I say, before watching him leave my room, and head downstairs. I close my eyes, and smile before rushing downstairs. I could not help the fluttering of my heart. When you  love someone, it's  hard to let go of hope, and fantasies. It's  hard to focus on your sister who wants all the details of what happened. I do not notice, the blonde girl with cat eyes, and a black dress on. "Tell, me Kim Seokjin! Tell me, what he did! Did you two make out? Did you do the dirty?! Tell me!" Her voice squeals, causing me to cringe slightly. "We talked about science, and he complimented my hair! I think I have a chance to claim my man!" I say, in a happy tone. Of course I used to follow Namjoon around like a lost puppy dog, but I don't  wanna do that anymore. Jennie smiles at me, and gives me a wink. "I have a thing for Lalisa Manoban..." she whispers shyly. I smile to myself, it's  about time we had some more gay energy  in this neighborhood. I then pat my little sisters head. "Then, confess. Lis, is a good girl." I say, before turning to walk to the kitchen.....

Warning!! Abuse. Don't  fret my loves!!

     My parents live there minds in the fifties. Men, have to work..And, woman have to stay home. My foster mom is a ditzy idiot, and my foster dad is a sexist, and racist asshole. Why he adopted Jen, and I? I've  got no idea. But, seeing the large Caucasian man, is rather nerve racking. Because he never leaves his office. I look at him, and bite into my cheek. "H-hello sir.." I whisper out. I mentally  smack myself because, I have already fucked up. The large male, walks towards me slowly. As, I back up into  the wall. I widen my eyes, and look at him. "S-sir..I'm  sorry..." I say, feeling a tear roll down my cheeks. Here, is where I make mistake number two. My dad, lifts his fist. And connects it with my jaw. "You stupid, faggot? Why can't  you be straight  like Jennie? Huh?" He snaps, causing me to cower down. If I was not so afraid, I would say. "Ah, little did you know  Jennie is just as gay as me." But, I don't  say that because I want to protect my sister. I'd rather him hit me, than Jennie. Instead of mouthing the man, I look at him as he raises  his fist again. I decide why not be a bit cocky? I'm  Tired of getting hit by everyone. I look up at the large male, and smirk. "Awe, didn't  you know hitting a kid is child abuse? It's  even more frowned upon to hit them when they are ga-" I do not finish my sentence, because his fist connects with my Jaw. The force of the hit, has me on the floor. "Shut it you  stupid  sorry excuse of a man. You cook!" I feel a kick to my stomach, and cry out. "Wear colour!" Kick! "Have ugly ass boys over!" Kick! "And, worst of all, you're teaching Jennie how to be independent! She needs a real  man, but a sissy ass faggot like you!" Dad, yelled before kicking me in the face. I feel dizzy, hmmm I wonder  If I'll  pass out. Hopefully, I do. Because, then I won't  have to deal with this  shit anymore. Another kick to the head makes me pass out, and I have one last thought on my mind. Why is life so damn complicated? Why can't I be gay in peace? My own 'Family' hates me, because  I'd  rather be under a male, than be on top of a female. Fuck the world, I want it all to stop......

1348 words...

A/N: Yeah, this book is not gonna be happy for a bit. Because, well I'm  the writer. Yes, there is gonna be a lot of sad shit that happens. But, don't  worry I'll  make sure it ain't  to triggering  for people who can't  handle it. Or, maybe I'll  write what I wan't  Because, it's  my book. Anyways, I have a friend  reading. Hi, Boo. I love you thank you for helping me edit this!