After The Party (A Kurt Cobain fanfic)

Chapter 31

"Wow, this is heaven—seriously heaven" Lily squeals as she opens up their hotel room's curtains to get a better view of Rome.

"I'm glad you think so Hopps" Kurt says, rolling his eyes teasingly.

"At least someone thinks so" Dave adds as he lights a cigarette.

"How could you not think so? Italy is the most romantic place in the world!" She claims, looking out at the city.

"Hear that Kurt, you might get lucky in this city" Dave jokes, making a lude motion with his hands and Lily gives him the finger.

"Fingers crossed" Kurt deadpans without looking away from the tv.

She grabs Kurt's hand and attempts to pull him off the bed, "Come on, can we go out and explore the city before dinner? Pleeee-ase?"

"Lily...I'm tired" He complains but she can tell he's holding back a smirk.

"Please, I'll buy you a glass of wine!" Lily offers and Kurt laughs.

"Well who can resist a deal like that?" He says, winking at Dave and making him laugh.

They go out onto a piazza by the hotel and walk around, Lily tirelessly trying to get Kurt excited about everything they saw.

"Are you upset about something?" Lily frowns as they sit at a café overlooking a park. She had been trying to make him laugh for fifteen minutes and he still seemed very stoic.

"No. " He says, giving her a semi-forced smile as their wine arrives. Lily remains unconvinced.

"What's wrong? Talk to me" She says, reaching out for his hand, "When we're married you're going to have to talk to me all the time so you may as well start practicing now" She adds with a grin.

"Its nothing" He says, giving her another forced smile.

"Baby..." She says sternly, and he knows he's not going to get away with consistently brushing off the question.

"Well we haven't really talked about this much, one of the last times I toured Europe it was hell and it sort of all came to a head in Rome" He shrugs.

"When was that? Before we started dating right?" She says and he nods, "Well what happened what made it so bad?"

"Uh idk it was just...a bunch of things" He says without looking at her, "It was the middle of a long and stressful tour, my stomach was bothering me a lot—like some of the worst its ever been—and touring in a van with Tad wasn't exactly easy."

"I can imagine" She nods, caressing his hand. She can tell there's something he's still not telling her, "What else Kurt?" She adds quietly.

He rubs the bridge of his nose and when he opens his eyes Lily sees tears in them. She was shocked, she very rarely saw Kurt cry, especially not in public.

"Last time I was here I tried...I tried to kill myself." He says, looking down at his feet again and Lily feels her breath catch in her chest.

"People thought it was a joke or a stunt or something, I don't know—basically they didn't think I was serious. But I was so absolutely miserable and lonely and in pain I would've done it. Being in Rome again just reminds me what a horrible place I was in at that point" He continues and Lily feels tears spring to her eyes as well.

"I'm just so glad this time you're here with me, and that I'm actually happy"

"I'm so sorry" Lily says, hugging him close to her and trying to control her tears, "I can't believe you put up with me pressuring you to spend time around the city with me with all the things probably going on in your head. I hate that I did that to you"