Tomb Raider - Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel

25 ~ Uncertainties

Nora sat on a bench outside the museum, both journals in her lap, the one from Bridget on top, Jenny's work journal.  This one held all the secrets, she could just tell.

Like with the S.H.I.E.L.D. file back in D.C., Nora couldn't find it within herself to look, to open the damn book and read what was inside.  Oh, the potential it held. It was like she was frozen. 

In the end, she couldn't bring herself to open and look at it, no matter how hard she tried. Not there and then. She wasn't prepared then.  She hoped she would be more prepared later. 

"How'd it go?" Carol asked when Nora arrived back home.

"Good..."

"Nora?" She must have looked slightly shell-shocked because Carol noticed right away that something was off.

Nora held up the journal.  "Bridget was really helpful.  Mum gave Bridget her work journal for safekeeping.  She thinks it might have information from around the time they went missing."

"Oh, wow."

"Yeah, 'wow' is right."

"Did you look at it?"

"No, I couldn't, not yet." It was funny; she had been searching for answers for so long and now, when they were potentially right in front of her, right within her grasp, she couldn't bear to look. "I need to talk to Fury."

She called the Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. "Is this call secure?" she asked as soon as he answered.

"Yes, it is."

"How secure?"

"As secure as secure can be. What's up, Bane?"

She launched into her story.  "I met with my parents' former colleague, and she told me that when my parents were working with S.H.I.E.L.D., they were nervous working around the personnel. You should be careful, Nick, about who you're working with."

"Anything that seems off goes through me."

"Okay, good.  Just keep a close eye on everyone around you."

"I always do.  You okay? You seem really paranoid."

"Yeah, maybe I am." 

------------------------------------

A week later, and Nora still couldn't bring herself to read the journal. It just sat there, on the table, in plain sight, taunting her with its closeness and potential.  It was incredibly frustrating, but still, something held her back.

No, not something.  She knew exactly what: the fear of what she would come across, of what she would read on those pages in her mother's handwriting, of what truths it would surface.  She wasn't sure she was ready to face that - or ever would be ready. She was beginning to think she never would be. 

On top of that, Carol seemed a little more distant all of the sudden.  She kept leaving for extended periods of time on 'business' as she said, but Nora had a strange suspicious feeling that wasn't quite it.  Carol wasn't telling her something. And why was she suddenly acting so withdrawn?

"So," Nora said once Carol had returned from yet another 'business' trip.  "You've taken me on a space date, and so now I want to take you on an Earth date."

Carol surprised her by sighing heavily.  "Listen, Nora, I've been thinking... You're dealing with a lot right now. A lot of very personal stuff. Before we go any further I think you should take some time for yourself, before jumping into anything with me, or with anyone else." Nora was silent, so she continued. The blonde sighed again. "I'm just wondering if we're kind of rushing into this..." She let that linger and settle.

"Okay..." Finally, Nora found her words again.  "I mean, I have very little dating and relationship experience, but I know that this isn't a good sign... Especially not after we've been, well, more intimate  lately..." There was a long pause. "I was that bad, huh?"

Carol scoffed. "No, Nora. That's not what this is about."

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. It has nothing to do with that."

"Okay then..."

"I'm just not sure jumping into a serious relationship is what you need right now, on top of everything else."

"You don't know what I need." A pause.  Nora's voice was softer when she spoke next.  "I thought things were going well."

"They were."

"I would even say really well."

"They were, and I like you, Nora, I really do. But I'm just not sure if I can commit to something like this. What I mean is, you know how my job is, how my whole life is: it's unpredictable, and most of the time I'm in a completely separate solar system. I'm gone so often. It wouldn't be fair to you. Also, it's dangerous, I've made a lot of enemies. Powerful enemies. I don't want to put you in danger."

"I could always come to space."

"Trust me, you don't want to do that."

"Why not?"

"Because it's too dangerous.  You saw what happened last time on your first visit.  You almost died!"

"Well, having you here whenever you can be here is better than not having you at all."

Carol sighed. "Nora-"

"If you don't want to then just say so, no need to make excuses." There was more of an edge to her tone than she thought.

"I said, it's not that I don't want to-"

"You just don't want to."

"If you'd let me finish-"

"I've heard enough, I think. I get it. It's nothing new. You're just another person in a long line who don't want to commit to me. But if my own bloody parents didn't want to, then I guess I shouldn't assume that of anyone else. Even they kept leaving, going more and more often until one day, they just didn't come back.  Left on 'business,' like you said."  She scoffed.  "Bullshit."

"The first time was for business. But the others were for myself."

"To get away from me? Like they did?"

"No, Nora. Of course not. I needed to take time for myself.  My job puts a big strain on me. And like I said, I think you need to take some time for yourself too.  Think about you and your parents, your family.  A lot of personal stuff is being stirred up, and you should focus on that. I'm sorry, Nora, I really am.  But I think, right now, it's for the best." Nora said nothing; she had turned away so she had her back to Carol.  "It's hard for me to say goodbye, too."

"But you're not saying goodbye! You're just leaving, like they did!" Her voice was a near shout. "Please, don't go. Don't leave me too."

Carol gave her a sad smile.  "You're magic, Nora. Never forget that." And just like that, her Space-girl was gone.

(Aww :.( I hate torturing Nora like this... If you're following along with my 'Endgame' story too it'll all make sense now.

Carol telling Nora to take some time for herself was inspired by Jim's line to Freddie in Bohemian Rhapsody: 'Come and find me when you like yourself'. (Just re-watched that movie!)

Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! :))