Oh my God...
If she had felt numb when Carol left - she had no way to describe how she felt now. She was utterly speechless.
Oh, God...
It felt as though she were being crushed, that this new information, this new truth, had reached inside of her and tore her open, ripping her apart from within.
But, then again, it wasn't really a 'new truth'. It had always been there, had always been the truth, she had just blinded herself from seeing it. So while it felt new, it really wasn't.
She had been living a lie.
They had been trying to help me.
A lie she herself had constructed in the sadness, loneliness and anger she had felt all these years. She had felt abandoned, only she hadn't been, had never been.
But she hadn't understood the situation until now. And even then, she still didn't fully understand it.
And neither had they, Jenny and Harry. That's why they had been trying so hard to find answers, and help her. That was why they had gone to such lengths.
They had been trying to help me...
All this time... For years she had warped them into these selfish villains who had abandoned her when they had been the total opposite: selfless parents striving their hardest to help their daughter, feeling guilty and responsible for what had happened to her.
I hated them.
I couldn't stand the thought of them.
But they loved me. They cared for me.
And of course they had - they were her Mum and Dad, after all.
Everything they had done had been for her, had been to try and help her out of the troubling situation they felt they had gotten her into. Her mother's words had sounded so guilty, so apologetic.
They had even left behind their beloved work in favour of trying their hardest to help her. If they had abandoned anything, it had been their work, not their daughter.
Of course they had - she was their daughter, and they loved her.
They loved her.
And they were gone, still gone, and she wanted them here more than anything there in that moment.
It was devastating. All this time she had been painting them as these cruel villains when she had really been the villain, thinking and believing such awful things about them. God, how she wished they were here now so she could apologize to them.
I love her so much and I hope she realizes that, but I know she does, Jenny had written, finishing off her entry with these words, the final words of her journal. The final words before she left.
Well, Nora had failed them, in more ways than one.
She was crying again - she hadn't even realized she had started to again.
She felt sick, sick with herself. She instantly regretted any and every ill thought she had ever had or ever considered about her parents.
She had been wrong, so wrong. So, so very wrong.
She thought back to what she had told Carol:
"You're just another person in a long line who don't want to commit to me. But if my own bloody parents didn't want to, then I guess I shouldn't assume that of anyone else. Even they kept leaving, going more and more often until one day, they just didn't come back... To get away from me? Like they did?... You're just leaving, like they did!"
Recalling them now, she felt utterly ashamed for those words.
What have I done?
Oh Mum, oh Dad...
I'm so sorry. So sorry I ever doubted you.
"They were trying to help me..." Saying the words out loud only increased their already crushing weight.
The realization hung over her like a dark storm cloud that wouldn't go away, affecting only her.
She had been wrong this whole time. So very wrong. She couldn't have been more wrong.
She spoke the next words aloud as well. "What have I done?"
-----------------------------------
When she called Fury, she must have sounded distraught, for some hours later he had turned up in one of his fancy S.H.I.E.L.D. jets.
She told him everything - her mother's journal, Carol leaving so suddenly, the answers, the truth.
The crushing truth.
"They were trying to help me... They were searching for answers."
A long silence followed her story - a tragedy by all accounts, that just seemed to become more and more tragic as it went - as Fury took in all she had told him, all that had been revealed.
"They didn't feel safe working with S.H.I.E.L.D., Mum said so. Your agents drove them away!" She suddenly lashed out. "Sorry..."
"Don't be. You've received a great shock."
She scoffed. "You're damn right about that." She willed herself not to burst into tears again. "I'm such a bitch."
"You didn't know."
"And now they're gone, and Carol's gone. And it's my fault. It's all my fault. Not in the way or for the reason I originally thought, but it's still my fault."
She never got to see what he was reaching for in his pocket as she was already shaking her head, but she knew what he was suggesting: he had a way of contacting Carol. "No, she said only in an emergency. I've gone and blown it, once again."
"What are you going to do now?" He asked after giving her some time to think about it.
"Good question. I've made a real mess of things."
Although she hated to admit it - because she was still in shock and angry and in denial that Carol was gone - Carol had been right about one thing: Nora did have a lot to figure out.
(Aw, poor Nora is really having a rough time here! But she will resolve it all!
Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter as always! :))
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Tomb Raider - Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel
أدب الهواة"Higher, further, faster, baby!" The pager was only for emergencies, but every so often Captain Carol Danvers will return to earth to visit her friends there. One such time when she visits Nick Fury, now Director of S.H.I.E.L.D., she meets a woman...
