Hey, so.
I haven't updated this in a while. How is everyone?
I am, thankfully, doing better. Much, much better. I am generally happy, healthy, and finding myself just floating in the atmosphere as I await my future.
I begin my sophomore year this fall, next month. I hope to God that I don't mess my grades up by focusing majority of my after school time on the internet. I am going to try my hardest to ask for help when I need it, do all of my homework, and keep all A's and B's for this school year. It'll be hard, but I can put my mind to it and see it through.
That being said I can't let myself focus all of my attention on how I'm going steady with my boyfriend, Andrew. He just clouds my brain. He makes me really happy, and he feels like someone I can depend on. For the first time in a relationship, I feel like my partner actually does love and care for me. I'm so glad I happened to fall for a good lad like him, and I'm lucky he feels the same about me. I'm... so glad, that he treats me well. He's my first boyfriend I've had a good friend history with. He's treated me well since we met, and he's still just as sweet... I love him so much. And, he may visit in December, if we can work it out! It would make me so happy...
Um. So hey, my meds work now! And I finally got to talk to my therapist, Shanna. We talked about jobs, how my summer's been, how my childhood plays into how I function as a teenager now... stuff like that. We recovered a lot of repressed shit I'd tucked away and it opened a lot for me to look upon and work with.
I've been hanging out more often. Going to Dani's, Dani coming over, going to Ray's, or walking to Ana's. I've been messaging my internet friends often too! Friends really help in the span of things. My parents think friends don't make a difference, but when your mom and dad are assholes, your depression wants you dead, and your boyfriend is in fucking England, having a friend or many to make you happy is really good. I'm especially happy to have gotten closer to Dani! She's so sweet and kind and I only wish the best for her :')
Anyway, I'm actually getting better! I've believed it before and been entirely wrong, but this time I think it's the truth.
"Leave The City" by Twenty One Pilots is a good song I've been listening to lately. They know that it's almost over ; in Trench I'm not alone ; they know that it's almost over.
Those lyrics inspire me too much.
I am so ready to rush and get out of this damn house, you know? I'm not leaving any time to enjoy being 15 because I can't-- I have to leave and get out as soon as I can and I stand by that. There is nothing besides basic needs that my parents can provide for me. Not collage money, not allowance, not a car. I'm basically just stuck here, ya know? And I can't wait to get out.
Anyway, that's all I have the energy to write this morning. Just know I'm doin' better. If anyone needs me, I'll be watching Robin Williams' movies. Cheers!
-Simm
