Il Mio Amore

Chapter 8

"It's not that easy Sam, my parents . . . I don't want to put anyone in danger. Maybe I should just leave, it might be better that way." I whispered and the wind carried my words away but I knew he heard me.

"Leaving isn't the answer, and we can't be in any more danger than we already are. Running away from your feelings isn't going to help you get through them. Don't go, Nessie'll really miss you."

"That's not fair."

"I know, I never claimed to be fair."

"I don't know how to do this, Sam."

"Do what?"

"Have these feelings. I don't lead with my emotions, I don't deal with them."

"Is that why you've been icing Jasper out?"

"What?"

"It's obvious to anyone that looks at you two together that there's something there. You keep icing him out though before he can get too close. You're sabotaging your own happiness."

"You don't know what you're talking about." I argued.

"Everyone has emotions; good, bad, difficult, and everything in between. What makes you who you are is how you deal with them. What will make you weak is running away from them. You are not weak, don't let these emotions or those men make you think you are."

"I don't know how to do this, Sam."

"You have to let yourself feel, it's the only way to learn. All of it; the pain and anger, you have to feel it. Until you do, there's no way that you're gonna get over it." he said, taking my hands in his.

"That's what I'm afraid of." I admitted.

"Then you have to do it, that's the first step. Recognizing and admitting fear is the first step."

"How do you know? How the hell do you pretend to know how I feel?" I demanded.

"Because I've been there. When I first turned into a wolf I was all alone and engaged to Leah, then I saw her cousin and imprinted. I felt like the worst piece of scum in the world and her family agreed, they still do. Well, Seth understands but Leah, she still resents me and she always will and I can't blame her for it. I loathed myself for what I did and tried to stay away from Emily as much as possible."

"How did that work out for you?"

"Not very good in the beginning. I couldn't help but need to be around her and she continued to reject me because of her cousin. I tried to stay away, I feared hurting her and I did just that, I hurt her in a way that I'll never be able to repay. I begged her to tell me to kill myself because if that's what she really wanted then I would."

"Sam . . ."

"Love is tricky, Liz, it's not perfect. You work on it, you work at it for as long as you want the relationship to work. You have people here who care about you and I know you're not used to it but we're here."

"I don't know . . . I'm used to being sola, alone. Ho vissuto in quel modo per molto tempo. I've lived this way for a long time." I said when he just raised his eyebrows at me.

"It's not easy, learning to trust strangers in a new situation. It's not easy learning to trust people period, I know. Just give it a try, don't push him away." he chuckled.

"That's an entirely different situation, non so se sono pronto. I don't know if I'm ready for that."

"Take your time, you have more than enough of it."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, now go."

"Are you throwing me out?"

"Technically you're not even supposed to be here so I'm saving you. My boys were ready to attack."

"They never would've gotten close to me." I replied, jumping to the ground.

"That might be true but next time, let me know before you do something like this." he said, landing next to me.

"I didn't really plan for this to happen, I don't have anywhere else to go." I whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"I've been running for a very long time, Sam. Running from the men that my fathers send after me and running from my fathers. I don't have a home, I live in apartments or hotel rooms until Alec and Demetri find me then I run to the next place. They always find me and I will never go back to Volterra so I'm doomed to run for the rest of my life." I admitted.

"Do the Cullens know this?" he worriedly asked, as we walked back to the border.

"Edward and Carlisle know, I don't know if they told the rest of the family."

"After this is over, we'll find somewhere for you to live. I'll do it my own damn self if I have to, you're not gonna keep running." he growled.

"Sam, they'll never leave me alone so I'll never be able to stop running. I've accepted this fact, I did so molto tempo fa. Long ago."

"Not anymore, we'll figure something out." he insisted.

"Sam, it's not worth getting your people in trouble." I argued.

"Yes it is, we'll help you find somewhere. They'll stop bothering you after this." Emmett said.

"Trying to be smart doesn't really make you smart, Samuel."

"I had to try and don't call me that." he replied, walking back into the forest.

"Signori." I said, taking an unnecessary deep breath.

"We won't talk about it now because it's obvious that it bothers you, but later on we would like to discuss this further." Carlisle said.

"Thank you, is Nessie okay?" I asked him.

"She's worried about you, she thinks you're leaving." Emmett said.

"Did you hear all of it?" I asked them.

"Most of it, sorry." Emmett admitted.

"Well, none of it was exactly secret." I said.

"You are worth it, like I said before we'll figure something out. The family you have isn't the family that you deserve, we consider you a part of our family now." Emmett said.

"I'm not . . ."

"You don't have to be here, we've met twice and you came here because I asked. They have nothing to do with who you are, actually, they do. Despite what they wanted you to be, you are an amazing person. We'll figure something out." Carlisle added.

"Grazie." I told them.

"Thank you." they chorused.