Broken Vows

2.

I wasn't one of those people who would just leave without saying anything. Before being husband and wife, Jason amd I were friends and I did want answers I didn't want to see him but I knew that I had to face him sooner or later. I honesly didn't even know if I wanted answers right at that moment  but I knew that leaving without saying anything or seeing him wouldn't be the right thing to do either so I decided to just confront him before leaving. I didn't want to have that regret later neither did I want him to feel like I didn't give him a chance to tell me his side of the story.

He walked in like nothing was wrong, like he didn't cheat on me, like everything was normal.

"Hey".

I didn't say anything, I couldn't bring myself to. I felt like I would xry the moment I would try to say anything.Just seeing him standing there acting all normal as if nothing had happened as if he hadn't done anything wrong made me feel sick.I felt like I didn't know him at all, like we were complete strangers. I could feel my eyes watering but I knew better than to start crying. It wasn't time for me to start crying, I wanted to get out of that place, I didn't want to be near him but I knrw that I needed to talk to him first.

Once he noticed that that I wasn't replying and that I just stood there he asked me

"Is something wrong".

"How long have you known me Jason".

"What" he asked, obviously confused

"How long have you known me".

"Six years,why? Is something wrong? "

"You know how I feel about people close to me lying to me or people in genral lying right. Why would you do this Jase?"

He just stood there not saying anything, still confused to where I was going.

"Do what Cass? What's wrong?"

"How could you cheat on me Jason. After everything that I've told you, after what all that I've been through as a child, after knowing that it would literally break me to go through something like that! Why would you still do it and how the fuck can you even stand there like you haven't done anything wrong, how can you even look me in the eye and ask what's wrong? Hy husband is a cheating scumbag, that's what's fucking wrong Jason."

He instantly paled.

"I..I Cass its not like tha-"

I scoffed.

"Its not like that? Then what is it like Jason? If you didn't want to be with me, you could have simply told me Jason. I would never want you to be in a marriage that you weren't happy in It would be wrong to both you and me but cheating Jason?"

"Cass it's not like that".

Jason and I had been friends for a long time before we dated. I'd told him about my childhood more specifically about my parents. I had not just heard about how people feel when their partner cheats on them I had seen it in my own family. I had seen my family shatter. I had seen the ugly side of marriage, the impact it had on me and on my mom. Growing up I used to tell my mom that even though I love her and would want to be like like her in a lot of ways but I would never handle my marriage un the way that she did. I wouldn't give as many chamces as she gave, she hoped that my dad would change, if not for her then for me but he didn't. I've seen her struggle and I like I had told her I wouldn't be like her and I had every intention to keep my word.

As a child I may not have been  able to understand it all but I understood this one simple thing that someone who cheats once can cheat again. If he/ she loved you in the first place they wouldn't do it, they would never cheat on you, they wouldn'tput you through that pain and if they did, you should take that as your cue to walk out of that relationship, to walk away from that person. That is not what my mom did because she wanted things to work out for her child's sake, she kept on giving him chances only to regret it later.

So, experiencing it as I had as a child I knew what I had to do, what I needed to do for me and for my baby. I really did love Jason but I couldn't be in this marriage anymore I don't think that the marriage existed anymore either.

"Shat is it like then, Jason? Please enlighten me".

" I had a lot of work, a lot of stress and it just happened.. It was a mistake. I'm so sorry Cass. I wouldn't do something like that to you"

"But you did Jason. You have a buisness to run, just because you were stressed doesn't mean that you'll cheat on your wife. You are going to be stressed in the future too, does that mean you'll be cheating on me again?"

"Cass, I- I don't know what to say. I'm just really sorry."

"Is this the first time something like that has happened?"

When he shook his head and didn't say anything, I got my answer.

"Your half assed apology  won't change the way things are Jason. You cheated on me, after everything that we've been through. After everthing that I'd told you about my family, my parents my childhood. You decided to that same thing to me Jason. After knowing that it was the one thing that I was fucking terrified of going through... ".

"Well, what do you want me to say then? I know I fucked up and I'm sorry. It won't happen again, okay?"he said irritated.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath. This was it. My marriage that I had soo many expectations from, the life that I had had dreamt of, the future that I had envisioned for the two of us. All of that was going to end.

"I don't think there is any point of us being married anymore, Jase. I cannot stay in a marriage where my partner cheats on me without even having the slightest of regrets about it. This is not how a marriage works Jason. I don't want you to be in this marriage feeling like you are trapped and forced to be with me and I don't think that I can be with you anymore, I know I deserve better than this. I don't think that this marriage is something that can work anymore. Maybe we weren'tmeant to be Jase, maybe our parents were right.".

On hearing this his eyes widened. I could see that his eyes were now watering a little.He wasn't expecting this. He took a shaky breath and asked.

"What do you mean"

I looked at him, with tears running down my face, I saw my best friend, my husband, a person that I loved and a person who I though love me and with every ounce of courage that I could muster I told him.

" I want a divorce Jason."