like a redheaded stepchild

Chapter 19: And Your Little House Elf Too!

Once more, there was a quiet pop as Dobby appeared at 4 Privet Drive. The hedges were overgrown and ragged, not having been properly trimmed in years. The garden was full of weeds and choked with vines, and soft swearing could be heard along with the patter of little feet. Out front, a new sign had been posted, warning that the neighbors did not approve, and that the Dursley's needed to clean up their act.

Dobby snuck around Vernon, who was giggling to himself as he counted the gnome skins he had managed to collect: three so far. He had them nailed to the garden shed, and he fingered his newly acquired shotgun (which he had weighed down with lead weights, making it nearly impossible to aim). Petunia was once more vigorously cleaning the tile in the hall, removing every last speck of dirt. "No magic in here, no, none at all. We've no magic in the house. No, perfectly normal. Of course, nothing unnatural here."

Carrying his pie on his head, Dobby snuck into the house and up the stairs, where the formerly fat boy was looking rather mournful. He had changed in the past year; folds of skin on his neck showing a large amount of weight had been lost. He'd also gained muscle. Having parents that were considered "cracked" wasn't good for your social standing, especially if you were already fairly stupid. Dudley had been forced to learn to defend himself, and found that he was quite good at it. He nodded to Dobby as he entered. "Hi, Dobby."

"Hello, great master sir," Dobby squeaked, setting the pie down and bowing. "Dobby is so happy to be bringing you more treats!"

"Dobby...listen. I like the pies, and the fudge, and all the stuff you bring. It's great. Especially since mum doesn't really cook anymore. She just cleans. And dad….well, he lost his job selling drills. Spent too much time hunting gnomes."

Dobby wrung his hands. "Dobby does not know what to do for great master sir. Dobby is just a house elf!"

"You're my friend," Dudley said firmly. "I just... you've got magic, right?"

Dobby nearly wet himself he was so happy. "The Great Master says Dobby is his friend! Oh, Dobby is so excited! Yes, Great Master, Dobby is having magic! Dobby is a very clever elf!"

"Could… could you help us, Dobby? Help my mum and dad? They're not right in the head any more, you know. I think something's wrong with them. They don't know how to act, with all the gnomes and the enchanted garden and such. It's made them a bit mad. And me...I don't know. I'm not very bright myself. I'm just tough, and strong. I don't have any magic, so I can't do anything."

Dobby gasped. "But surely great master is the best of wizards! You are Harry Potter! You are the best kind of wizard. You are so kind to Dobby, always saying nice things, giving Dobby extra work to do, and being Dobby's friend!"

"But...but I'm not Harry. I'm Dudley. Dudley Dursley. Harry Potter is my cousin. He left ages ago to live with a wizarding family. I'm sorry, Dobby. I didn't mean to lie to you. I thought...I thought you knew. I'm sorry. I'm not very bright, you know." Dudley looked completely devastated, realizing that Dobby had thought he was someone else, and like all the others, was about to leave him.

"You mean... you mean Dobby hasn't been saving Harry Potter? That Great Master isn't Harry Potter, the most noble of wizards?"

"I...No. I'm just Dudley. I'm not a wizard at all. I wish Harry were here, actually. Maybe he could help mum and dad. Maybe he could make everything normal again. It all went wrong when he left. Just...please, Dobby. You're the only one who can help. I don't know...I'm not Harry, but you've got magic, like he did. Surely you can help? Please?"