The Smell Of Cigarettes / John Deacon X Reader

Silent treatment

* Y/N's point of view *

The cold feeling on my lower abdomen suddenly woke me up. I let the light adjust as I slowly opened my eyes, so I wouldn't squint. Realization hit me and I jolted upwards with the upper half of my body, scanning my surroundings. Panicked, I had to come to the conclusion that I was in the hotel. I was still feeling dazed and confused because for the life of me I couldn't remember how I got here or what happened.... what happened after. That. That I did remember clearly.

I still remembered everything, the way he touched me and pulled me towards him. I could still smell the smell alcohol coming from his lips. I could still feel the cold breeze hitting my cheek. Everything was hitting me suddenly. It was as though I was walking on rail tracks, and  without me hearing it first, the train appeared in front of me knocking the wind out of me.

I got that feeling again. A feeling I think personally most people could relate to, If I had told somebody about It. The feeling of pure dread and shame. It was like I woke up after I had slept with somebody. While you were doing 'it' you aren't really thinking about anything. Your actions are spontaneous, not much thought is being put into them that's why it feels so good and that is why in that particular moment nothing feels off limits.

Nothing feels wrong. Everything feels right as though it should have had happened already, it's all comes natural. Every touch from that person feels like electricity passing with every heartbeat your body produces. Doing things that truly would upset every mother in the world if she had seen her children doing them. Even talking about these types of things would be considered sinful.

I really didn't do anything on that level I think or at least I hope so. Even after only a kiss I feel this. I feel lost and confused about what I did. It really did feel like a movie, I had met somebody that I thought I would never meet. 2 days of meeting them, and I have already made out with them. I know and I do remember It was consensual, but I felt disgusting. I felt like I gave myself away easily. What sort of impression was I giving him? What even happened afterwards?

All these thoughts made me sick to my stomach. I got up saw that I was fully clothed slowly walked to where I thought was the bathroom. Luckily it was. I walked up to the vanity and the sink, stretching out my arms grabbing both sides of It, feeling it's ice cold temperature and slight moisture. It was the summer time after all, and I knew from my place moisture and mold in housing was very hard to manage or and rid of.

I looked at myself in the mirror, there wasn't much of a difference like in all the flickers I've ever seen. My hair wasn't that much of a mess, I didn't have those crazy red and blue under eye circles. Mascara with running down my cheeks it was only smudged slightly. My lips were dry and irritated.

I looked behind to me, startled, since I got some upsetting and alarming feeling inside my gut. Nobody was behind me. I was psyching myself out, and my own guilt and regret was already starting to follow me around like a dark cloud filled with storms and anguish that was about to burst when It got to heavy.

I knew I was excited about meeting them and I knew in my heart I really liked John, but the fact that I let myself go so far in such a short amount of time is already starting to eat me up.

I had to clear my head. I made up my mind that I am going to wash myself up, since I obviously fell asleep fully clothed, I'll go down to the desk clerk, ask them about my stay to pay at a later date for the night, and leave immediately to process all of this, besidesbI havr to get home anyway since my cats have probably torn up the entire wall trying to find mice, that I am sure are living somewhere inside those small crevices I can't get to

* John's point of view *

I couldn't sleep for the whole night whatsoever. Not because of what happened, but of what was about to happen. After the guys left me and her purposefully alone we had gone out, hanged out a bit. That's when we started kissing.