Why I never reported my rape.
What is rape?
If not losing what can't be given back.
If not a constant losing.
If not always interrogating why you somehow forgot to say the word no.
What testimony could the police possibly drag from my body to prove what I already know?
The biggest fault from this "Justice System" is how it promises justice to survivors.
It's ironic how I can't send my rapist to prison without feeling guilty.
Like I'm the one taking something from HIM.
But when my partner demands the name and address of my rapist, like unsheathing a blade, silent, across a mans jugular.
That man who made my body a minefield.
Impossible to touch without crying.
For a moment, I smile.
I imagine the warmth of bathing in that mans blood.
As if his headless body would make everything better.
As if I could get everything back he ever took from me.
As if this could be justice.
